#on a side note i really want to see the show delve deeper into the biblical horror aspects of lucifer.....

[venusbyline]

HEY VENUS!!!

I just wanted to know,how was Jace and readers childhood like in nine moons? I mean,just give some canons about some scenarios or events that happen. Just like a very short drabble, because I'm straight up surviving on crumbs on nine moons🥹 please,just give in this once🙏

I LOVE YOU VE! I'm very proud of you! Just continue in college🩷

Jacaerys Velaryon — Nine Moons.

Scenario: What was Jace and his twin sister's childhood/adolescence like?

— pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x twin sister!reader

— headcanon of Nine Moons (it can't be read as a standalone scenario)

— type: fluff, suggestive content (but nothing really graphic), angst

— tags/warnings: female!reader, dark!Jacaerys, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, Targcest (twin brother/twin sister), childhood memories, threats of rape (BUT NOT REALLY), wet dreams, possessive behaviour, obsessive behaviour, manipulation, sexism, jealousy, past underage sex, minor cousin incest, minor Jacaerys Velaryon/Baela Targaryen, minor uncle/niece incest, minor Aemond Targaryen/reader, pre-Nine Moons events, canon divergence (Pre-The Dance of the Dragons). no use of y/n, english is not my first language.

— author's notes¹: HEYYYY SWEETIE, LUV UUU ❤️❤️ tysmmm for your ask, I had put Nine Moons on a brief hiatus due to my college stuffs, but now your messages made me wanna start writing this series again when my bimonthly exams are over at the beginning of June. Delving a little deeper into the characters' childhood stories was amazing, because I think Nine Moons Jacaerys was a lovely child in the past, but he also always had a dark side inside in that time anyway. Btw... I'll answer your other ask too 🤭🤭❤️❤️ I'm just waiting for a bit of free time so I can write that right.

— author's notes²: This scenario is part of Nine Moons universe and it's necessary to read the series first. It's a Dead Dove fic and has REALLY dark content.

— author's notes³: I'm thinking about writing more scenarios or random one-shots involving Nine Moons universe, maybe the pre-events of the series or events between the fic's time breaks/skips that I didn't write about. Please tell me on my inbox what do you guys wanna see about it 🥺🥺

❥ Nine Moons masterlist • Jacaerys masterlist • HOTD masterlist

❥ about me • main masterlist

• Jacaerys had always been very close to his twin sister since their early years. He was almost glued to her almost all the time, claiming that she needed to be protected by him.

• The dragon egg that was placed on Jace's sister's crib did not hatch when they were six years old. Anyway, he always tried to show her that she was not inferior to the rest of the family because of that, then he would often take her to the Dragon Pit and let her pet Vermax.

• Speaking about dragons... That was what made Jacaerys' twin sister get closer to their uncle Aemond. Both of them did not have dragons and they were somewhat introvert people, while Jace preferred Aegon to Aemond, since the older one was funnier and more interesting before his eyes.

• Jace was always jealous of his twin sister's closeness to Aemond, even though they were just children at that time. He was suspicious of Aemond's feelings, because he was four years older than him and his sister.

• He was also very angry when Rhaenyra suggested betrothing him to Helaena and his sister to Aemond. At first, Alicent was wary about those ideas and said that Helaena would already marry Aegon, but she eventually accepted the second suggested alliance. When Jacaerys found out about this, he ended up taking his anger out on his twin by refusing to cuddle with her during the night. Also, he made her cry by lying that when she got a little older and the wedding day arrived, Aemond would hurt her during the bedding ceremony. Although his sister knew nothing about sex at that age, Jacaerys had heard details of many perverted things Aegon told him in secret, so he told her how everything would happen. Telling her that the deflowering act would hurt too much, and Aemond would not stop to fuck her cunt even if she begged to... That was the first time Jace had been truly cruel to his sweet sister — he apologized later, though, covering the little girl with sweet kisses and taking her to the Dragonpit.

• During the childhood, Jace had not wanted to marry anyone other than his twin, and the thought of losing her to his uncle was depressing, filling his heart with rage.

• His sister always enjoyed watching him and Lucerys spar with Aegon and Aemond, even though the Velaryon boys were so young and did not know how to fight properly. He stopped letting her watch their training when he noticed that Ser Criston looked at her with disgust, just as he looked at Luke and him everyday.

• Jacaerys hated the Courtiers looking at the little girl and whispering about her legitimacy. He could handle all of that if the gossips about bastardy were only about him, but everyone also whispered about her, Lucerys, and Joffrey. He always tried to make his siblings, especially his twin sister, not notice the mocking or curious gazes.

• Despite joining Aegon and Luke to play pranks on Aemond and tease him about the fact that he did not have a dragon yet, Jace would not allow Aegon to say something like that about his twin.

• Actually, Jacaerys felt ashamed of himself whenever she found out about the pranks and got mad at him, arms crossed and a pretty pouty face that took hours to get better. After the morning of the pink dread, on Aemond's tenth name day, she ran crying to their shared chambers because Aemond did not want to talk to her for a while because he was angry with her brothers. Of course Jace welcomed his sister and apologized for causing that sudden argument between her and Aemond, but inside he was relishing the fact that they were distancing themselves from each other, even if only temporarily.

• When Laena Velaryon died, Jace wondered what it would be like if his sister tried to claim Vhagar. He knew how much she wanted a dragon, but at the same time he did not want her to have a dragon so much bigger than his, it would be humiliating. However, that thought was put aside when he remembered that Rhaena, Laena's and Daemon's daughter, did not have a dragon either. Deep down he knew that his twin would not want to disturb their cousin's dream. Anyway, that did not go as expected either, since Aemond claimed Vhagar before Rhaena had the chance.

• After all the fight at Driftmark, Jace and his sister became very protective of Luke, due to everything that happened, he was like a baby to the two of them.

• When they moved to Dragonstone, she kept sending letters to Aemond, to make sure that her uncle was not directly angry with her, even though Alicent and Rhaenyra had already broken off their betrothal.

• At Dragonstone, Jacaerys' twin sister usually spent most of the time with her younger siblings when Jace was busy training with Lucerys or flying with Baela and their dragons. She also sometimes spent time with Rhaena.

• Rhaenyra usually paid more attention to her first son than to her daughter, but the girl did not seem to mind it too much, because at least she did not have so many responsibilities and could just read or spend time in the gardens.

• They loved walking on the sand near the sea and watching the sky. He liked the day better and she liked the night better, so Jace would joke that he was the moon and she was the sun, because they both liked each other.

• Jace called her little sister, sweet girl, Idaña (twin) and Hāedar (younger sister). Sometimes Ñuha jorrāeliarzy (my beloved) too, if Rhaenyra or Daemon were not around.

• They slept together in the same chambers until they were twelve, as their bodies began to change and Jace found himself having dirty dreams about his sister. It did not help that she always insisted on shared the same bed too, lying in his arms or cuddling in spoon position. When she had her first blood moon, Rhaenyra immediately ordered that their chambers should be separate, which left them both frustrated.

• Jace began spending a lot of time with Baela, then which resulted in the loss of his virginity, her feelings for him and a slight distance between Jace and his sister, who never seemed to really like their cousin, perhaps out of jealousy.

• Even if Jacaerys was spending more time with Baela or Lucerys, he always took one day a week to dedicate himself completely to his twin sister, mad at himself for never being able to stop his obsession and love for her either way.

[jessicaslittlelovesickmess]

Act two

Pairing: Larissa Weems x Reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort but not really, Ophelia is trash, Larissa is bbygirl, lesbians being lesbians, awkward

Pt1: Andromeda

Larissa awaited as the parents rolled in, she greeted each with a smile before she saw Andromeda and Wednesday walking. Her breath caught in her throat you were still just as gorgeous as you had been during your time at Nevermore.

You smiled softly once you caught sight of the blonde, the girls rolling their eyes Larissa was quick to make an appearance. “Y/n, It’s been forever but I’m so glad to see you again” her eyes sparkled never once dimming with Morticia’s side comments.

“Likewise Larissa” your voice was soft as your hands rested on the girl’s shoulders “It’s been too long” it was becoming awkward. Morticia cleared her throat “moving along with the pleasantries the girls had something they wanted to show us”.

Gomez nodded like a lost dog, “well I guess I’ll see you later” you nodded before Andromeda had dragged you off in tow of Wednesday. Larissa was surprised not to have Ophelia with you but she noted the wedding rings on your necklace.

-

You didn’t see much of the blonde during the day until after dark, you stood on the dock where you both would once sit watching the stars. “I see you kept your promise” Larissa called as she neared closer, her eyes shining in the dim light.

“I wasn’t going to name Andy that at first but Ophelia insisted it” you sighed not turning around “you never came to the wedding”. Larissa’s brows furrowed “Wedding? Y/n/n I was never invited to a wedding” she spoke softly as stood by your side “I wrote out the invitations and Ophelia sent them out” .

“I’m telling you that I never got an invite but maybe it’s best I hadn’t gone” she breathed out looking down at you “why’s that?” You asked almost sadly. “I probably would’ve tried to stop the wedding” Larissa shrugged, you didn’t know how to feel before the blonde pulled you to sit with her.

“You couldn’t have Morticia so would go after Ophelia?” You scoffed you were angry but you weren’t understanding the underlining of Larissa’s words. “It was never about them Y/n” her hand found your thigh “sure I had chased after Morticia at one stage but she wasn’t as gorgeous as you, she didn’t make my breath catch and words disappear she wasn’t you”.

You turned to face the woman “I was in love with you but I knew I would never stand a chance, I never stood a chance with Tish either but… it was you who I had wanted. Ophelia knew that hell everyone besides you knew, but I was a coward then and the night I asked you to the Raven I knew it was a loss and I was too late”

“Ophelia had won the girl we were both fighting for, while I took lessons from Morticia she buttered you up. I was scared of rejection because who in their right mind would even date me” she laughed but it wasn’t humorous. “Me” you stated looking at her with tears in her eyes “Larissa I had loved you and I told you that night but it wasn’t the same anymore, I thought I was- that you wanted Morticia because oh god” you cried. “I had hated myself and you were so gorgeous and Tish was stunning but now my life has fallen to shit Lissa” you sobbed breaking the blondes heart.

“What do you do when pretty isn’t pretty enough?”

“Ophelia didn’t love me at first but we made it work after we had Andy, we fell in and out of love for many years until she passed” Larissa pulled you into her side “I’m sorry for your loss” she whispered kissing your head. “It’s okay, I’m sorry for rambling” you blinked tears away “it’s nothing really” Larissa smiled before her eyes glimmered.

You both sat silently for a moment “would you like to go to the wethervane tomorrow? I believe I still owe you that date” you nodded softly as you leaned into her warmth.

The next day you both delved deeper into your lives from since you had left Nevermore, Ophelia had been a doctor and you were now a writer. While Larissa had gone to Cambridge and then set a new start at Nevermore, you had gotta married young and had Andromeda not long after. Larissa never married or had children, that was a life she only saw with you she told herself what a dream to come home every day to a family and you more so.

Larissa’s gaze never wavered the entire morning as you spoke “would you do it again?” She asked softly “I wouldn’t have Andromeda otherwise” you shrugged with a sad smile. “She’s everything to me, the good and bad. I wouldn’t know a life without her she’s my girl”.

The blonde nodded along “although I did often wonder what it would have been like if I never married Ophelia. If I accepted your request to the Raven would I still have Andy I was so hurt, Lissy. You really hurt me and I let you willingly carve my heart like it was clay, I love you Larissa I really do- did but it didn’t stop my fantasies”

"I often wondered too, if I had swallowed my fears and asked you from the start would we be here? sitting so closely at the wethervane as if the years hadn't passed us. would we have children of our own or would you become that famous ballerina you had dreamed of being, I paid attention even when you thought I wasn't like when you changed from glasses to contacts. I prefer the glasses they seemed more natural and I got to see your hands more as they adjusted them. I listened to every career choice you had over the years and although I want to change the outlook of normies and outcasts a very selfish part of me"

Larissa swallowed hard "Made me stay at Nevermore hoping that you would have a child it didn't matter who with as long as I would get to see you one last time". You looked at her with tears in your eyes but a goofy grin "You're the principal Larissa, you could've just held a reunion but you truly are the sweetest soul I have ever met and I'm sorry I didn't try to reach out my geeky girl".

"Do you think we could ever try again?" she asked with a light blush as she ducked her head slightly "Slowly but surely"

[rosekisspeach]

TAROT READING//Mingkey Sexual Attraction - Bum's pt. 1

Date: 5/Feb/2024 Marker: Transparent Umbrella - SHINee Deck of Cards: Trungles' Star Spinner Tarot (Inclusive, Diverse, LGBTQ Theme); The Romance Angels Oracles; Manara Erotic Oracles

Notes Upfront:

I don't ask my cards questions that I already have answers;

I don't prey on information I should not know;

I respect their personal lives and;

This is for FUN ONLY.

✦ I also want to share the "reading-come-true" moment about taem that he truly cares about his art and what kind of artist he is becoming, please send love to his bubble ✦

In the following sexual attraction readings, be aware everything is "delulu" and I am just saying what I am seeing. Don't read this if you only see them as platonic friends/co-workers. . . . . .

Bum's part 1 - Subconsciousness Temptation [...] -> Garden [...] -> Flow of Inspiration Action: Swords 8, Wheel of Fate, Page of Cups Reverse, Empress Reverse, Lovers R Consciousness: Passion, Reconciliation, Wedding, Honeymoon Subconsciousness: Temptation of Pleasure, Garden at the top of the World, Flow of Inspiration

Before I present you the readings, let me introduce you my oracle cards, and the layout meaning. We have the romance angel oracles (an optimistic they/then) that delves into mingkey's consciousness, and Manara erotic oracles (a cheerful and charming lady) to unpack their subconsciousness. Each subconsciousness card is the result of three action cards, and two consciousness cards. Thus, I group these readings by the subconsciousness part, while unpacking the reading from top (action) to bottom (subconsciousness) , left to right (the energies deepen/hide deeper that the far right is what they "value" the most in this relationship). In the end, I will give an overall summary that includes all of these cards. I know this is confusing, and I will try my best to explain ++ I will also include the descriptions of oracles, so you can also interpret with flexibility.

Group 1: Temptation of Pleasure

"Don't you want me? ...Take me, I'm naked! A throaty voice from secret dreams will make them look into your eyes. Reality will disintegrate, the mirrored corridors of desires will capture you both, together, body and soul."

This reading really gives the same energy that I received from bummie's view on mingkey - insecurities, self-restraint, and self-love. The question here is not whether if bummie finds ming attrative. Of course he dose. Objectively, everyone finds ming good looking and physical appearing. But why wouldn't bummie acknowledge it like taem or jjong in blunt honesty? Not using his aegyo tone and sweet words anymore? We have a 8 of swords as the first card of bummie's action - Don't do it! Kibum shouts it to himself. He retreats his hand, closes his eyes, and stops himself from showing fondness towards ming despite the passion flares like butterflies in his stomach. He is cautious, tip toeing and giving just enough for the fan services. Isn't it cute that bummie touches ming's arm when laughing, as if the laughter is an enough distraction. As if we won't notice how long his fingers lingering on. He puts on the cold mask, keeps hims in distance, but he is not blind nor heartless. Bum senses their mutual attraction - the fate of them being inseparable like the two sides of a coin - that ming also senses (spoil alert!), and it scares him. Remember the 10 of coins dropped in bummie's view? We have similar energy here. Bummie treats ming as a loyal companion, a close family member, and he acts as it's enough for him. Instead of accepting the truth, bum is trapped in the mud of desire and maintains the status quo (it drives ming insane!!). Yet...the card is reversed, and we ask, bummie, you know you're not acing the "fake till you make it" play right?

Ten of Coins/Page of Cups

And ming is indeed that exception because he is Choi Minho. He is someone bummie loved and continued loving. He is from bummie's past, a reconciliation bummie vowed to him and his younger self, and the now, the future, the forever. It is too hard to resist the temptation, no wonder deep in bummie's mind, he asks assertively:

Don't you want me? Minho-ah. Take me, I'm all yours. I am forever yours.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Temptation of Pleasure:

"Pleasure is a demon, but it's your demon. It is sometimes an unbound call that shatters and dwarfs reason and logic. It is not just desire, it is an instinctual need that forces your being to find satisfaction. If the need for pleasure is accepted, not denied, it becomes less of an instinctual force, but rather a right of your inner self to a sexual release and a sexual identity. Pleasure ceases to be a secret world and becomes a harmonious part of what you are."

Group 2: Garden at the top of the World

"I am in a place where I cannot be hurt. You are not invited...yet. I don't know the road you must take to reach me. But here, I am safe, and from here, I can love you."

Seeing this card, I immediately thought about the left-on-read messages and how I unpacked the situation as bummie healing himself instead of purely hurting ming. It is true, bummie only loves Ming from distance, from somewhere he feels safe, and Ming is not allowed inside just yet. We have the reversed Empress in action demonstrating that bummie is trying everything to act content and fulfilling in his current romantic relationship. To pretend he does not need Ming’s care and love when murmuring Ming’s name after getting drunk. The empress card goes with bummies zodiac sign that he needs to learn about love not just as an ideological concept, but also accepting what his body wants - the blunt nature of sensation. Bum wants a stable relationship (or more like family structure) that he only secretly calls it marriage. But…he doesn’t believe he can ever have it (poor baby) thus the wedding card in conscience. Marrying ming sounds impossible, even absurd, and this is why he only loves ming in distance. This energy appeared in bummie’s view too!!

Minho, you are cruel. It is just fan service for you.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Garden at the top of the World:

“There are times in life when a person needs to face battles, conflicts, and uncompromising fights. With every battle, either won or lost, there are scars, pains, and hurts. It's especially hard when life seems cruel and unfair, and when others seem intent on crushing us down and destroying what we hold dear. Even then, though, there is a safe place for us. Some of us know that place. Some are building it. And some are still searching for it. But it exists. A place where body and soul can rest and breathe. Where we can't be hurt, and we are free to forgive and heal.”

Group 3: Flow of Inspiration

“My love flows like the conversation of two souls in a sunny summer afternoon. I may disappear at the first sign of disharmony, but while I am here, we can fly together on heavenly winds. My hands may know your body, but my lips know your soul.”

This is what kibum meant in the Live Alone episode that the shooting was a good day for ming and him. In the days their energies match up, it feels like, literally, a honeymoon spent together. They laugh, they flirt, they smile at each other that makes us wonder if what they really want is to kiss and make out. Pining each other on the wall so they can taste the alcohol residual between teeth and tongue. Bum feels it too, and he can’t help but cling to these moments because he knows there will be “bad” days. Days full of anger, frustration, and disappointment. Days he realized he is not dating ming and what they do is only fan service in many eyes. We again see the reversed lover card dropped (which I hardly find surprising), meaning bummie has learnt to accept not being able to date Ming that he treats himself w those good days and not feeling helpless when it cannot last longer than he hopes.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Flow of Inspiration:

“What is inspiration? Inspiration is a connection with something that doesn't yet exist. A moment of irratio-nal, unexpected clarity. Inspiration moves like water, touching different parts of our soul and our mind, connecting them and taking them deeper and higher. Inspiration is not love, but it is a form of relationship: our inner self talking with the world, and the world answering back. Our potential finds a shape to grow into and takes the first steps in that direction. Before everything else, inspiration is a feeling. A feeling that can carry us, sometimes submerge us, even overwhelm us. It is a feeling we can only reach when we allow the world to envelop our being.”

-TBC-

find me on Twitter @rosekisspeach

[drratiosstudent]

(Spoiler) Circle of Inevitability Vol 2 Review

*Initially posted on Reddit Dec 2024 but posting it here so I can have a collection of Reviews here*

*Not posting my Vol 1 review here as it was a yap*

*Feb 2025 COI status: I'm currently still in Vol 3 as I'm taking it slow right now (juggling multiple books and life at once) so please, no spoilers. :)*

------------------------

Hello, my dear Beyonders, heretics and cabbages! Here’s another raving from a Heretic Beyonder who wishes to win against the true creator in the ultimate rap battle. It is time for my review of COI Vol 2… 

I actually finished it a couple days ago and am in Ch276 now but I felt like I needed to process what just happened… and continue my regular reviews as I read. I’ve been doing it since LOTM and I can’t stop now!

First a follow up on my Vol 1 review

My first Vol 1 review was a little messy because I did write it after finishing Vol 1 feeling all those emotions and thoughts, and did not read CF’s author’s notes yet, or contemplate more on the significance of the title and quote. But after reading CF’s author’s note, and having read V2, I have a newfound appreciation and respect for CF for delving into the symbolisms and foreshadowings in Lumian’s ‘nightmare’, creating a bunch of questions for us readers, hooking us in, and building the foundation for the rest of the volumes to come. It was indeed a nightmare. I also have to raise a glass to CF for writing the story he wants and doing all his own research, pushing forth to create the story he wants when he knows there will definitely be backlash, especially with LOTM, and comparing Lumian with Klein etc.  

Vol 2 review

Overall review

ASLDKJFHASLDKFJHASLKDFJHASLKDFHSALDKJFHLKDSAHFJ x1000000.

Ok. That was the rant for all the emotional upheavals I went through because of CF. I already ranted enough in my previous posts so I won’t go on about how sad I am of all the deaths that occurred and tragic fates of the people.

On Volume 2 and Lumian

Personally, I really liked this volume as well. We get a chance to further delve into Lumian’s character, his mindset, and his interactions with other people. Through that, we also get to see how deeply Aurore has influenced Lumian, and I thought CF did a pretty good job at helping us understand Aurore through her impact on Lumian. It helps us stay connected to both Lumian and Aurore, and understand Lumian’s motives. It’s easy to forget a character once they ‘die’ in a book, but this helps us remain connected to the characters, and how Lumian’s character was shaped, and we get to see how he’ll continue to grow without Aurore by his side. But I just love how Aurore  is present in Lumian in all his actions choices, and values. It’s very realistic as after all, we are a mosaic of the people around us, the environment and experiences we have, and our own individual characteristic. Aurore played a big part in shaping Lumian’s life, especially in helping Lumian find some light and hope in the midst of all the sufferings he had in the past.

Lumian’s compassion for the world and its people is not gentle. It is sharp, rough and coarse, moulded by his own experiences from life, alongside Aurore’s warmth. But it is this kind of compassion that the people around him need. It’s also a reminder of what Lumian said to the guards?/The people? when they went to the catacombs to lay Flemeng, Ruhr and Michel to rest - he is a human too. He has a heart, albeit colder and sharper than others due to his circumstances, but through his actions, we get to see that Lumian stays true to his values despite his seemingly more rough words and persona. He isn’t completely selfless, and prioritises his own goals and safety, but he does show his warmth to the playwright, Charlie, Jenna, Franca, and even in Vol 1 with his ‘friends’. But it is in Vol2 when he seeks psychiatric treatment, that we see him slowly open up to others and actually develop a deeper connection, seek help, and help others in return. He is a complex character, and I love we catch glimpses of how he is seen from different eyes, and from his own actions and words.

“I’m a nobody, with no time to notice the brightness of the sun” - Volume 1

Lumian may think of himself as a ‘nobody’ under the cold gaze of fate and those in power. This is more prominent as this volume went on, and how he has also implied how he knows he is weak and small amidst the high ranking people and high sequence beyonders. He is a ‘nobody’ who strives to reach his goals of saving Aurore, seeking revenge, and finding the truth. But in the midst of his busy journey since Vol 1 with no time to notice the ‘brightness of the sun’, the steps he takes is one that leads towards the light he seeks. Like many humans, he too, is a ‘light seeker’, despite the many setbacks he faced. However, like the quote above says, since Vol 1 he is always on the go, he is unable to truly cherish the present in his chase for the past and in writing his own fate. But in this Volume, we can see the subtle growth he has psychologically, as he develops new relationships, seeks solace and warmth in the people around him, from his convos and actions with Charlie, Jenna, Franca, and the tenants etc. He is slowly able to feel the little warmth around him when he uncovers the truth of Aurore being a follower of inevitability, and the challenges he faces. I also remember a quote about how he likes the environment at the basement of Auberge? Compared to the upper class fancy self indulgent people at Salle de something I think? Idk the names folks, I don’t keep up with names lol.

Anyways, I love seeing his sessions with Susie and (We finally see Madam Justice!!!) and we get a deeper insight into taking care of yourself mentally, and in the impact of trauma and losing those you love. It makes the character feel real and reinforces how his past and mental state affects his choices and perspective on the world and people around him.

I just like seeing how Lumian finally embraces the the little brightness, hope and warmth in his new companions, Charlie, Jenna, Franca, etc. It’s very subtle, but you can see it through his interactions and what lies between the texts. CF did mention it in his author’s notes how he doesn’t need to make everything loud, and how things are subtle between texts and silence can speak loudly. 

Inevitability of fate

Regarding the theme of fate and the inevitability of fate, I thought CF expanded on this pretty well. When I read the Vol1-2, it seemed like a good symbolism of both free will and determinism, and how fate lies in the hands of those in power, or in life’s chaotic luck and randomness. I won’t delve in too much about free will and determinism here lol, that’s for a philosophical discussion.

But still, this volume touches a lot on how much power do we have over writing our own fate? How much influence does nature and our environment have on us and in influencing the choices we make? To what extent are we moulded by our experiences, nature, and interactions with others?

Even when faced with the inevitability of fate and the consequences of certain actions, many humans will still seek the light, seek hope, and try their best to change their fate. 

Perhaps the answer lies not in ‘if we can truly change our fate’, but in trying our best, regardless of the answer. It lies in us finding purpose and meaning in our journey, having hope that we can change our fate, because we’ll probably never know the answer if fate is truly in our hands, or in the hands of those above us. Fate is a complex thing manipulated by many people and by life, and the only thing we can do is burn bright until the end.

But anyways, I think all that happened is a pretty good symbolism of how those not in power will have to face the inevitability of fate from those in power. Many victims, like in LOTM, will suffer due to the corruption of power from those higher ups, as these ‘higher beings’ play with the strings of fate. The only way to write your own fate is to be like Lumian and grow stronger.

Thoughts on the themes

Title: Lightseeker  

Quote: For you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

Just like in LOTM, there’s a big theme of humans finding light and hope amidst despair, despite the inevitability of fate pushed onto them by those in power.

Even though, we know we’ll return to dust, that doesn’t stop us from frolicking around, finding joy and purpose while we are in the air, embracing whatever light that comes our way, and seeking light as long as we are dancing.

I think CF explained his theme rly well in the author’s note so I won’t write more. I agree wholeheartedly with his sentiments, and thought he did a great job at portraying other characters and the life of the people around Lumian. 

The city Lumian lived in and its people served really well as a microcosm of the larger societal issues we face, and how powerful figures play with the fates of the others as we all dance beneath the shadows in hopes of getting a glimpse of light before drowning in darkness.

Hunter 

CF was amazing in changing his writing style to suit the Hunter pathway and a character like Lumian. I have no complaints in this department. I can tell CF put a lot of effort into the principles and philosophies behind the pathway, and how he must weave them into his own writing.

Lumian is very well suited for the Hunter pathway, so I won’t repeat the reasons why as I’m sure many people agree. But I think this volume does pry a little deeper subtly into how, perhaps the hardest prey a Hunter will have to catch and understand is themselves, and the biggest predator they’ll have to avoid falling prey to, is themselves. We see Lumian struggle in dealing with his mental health, his own understanding of himself, and his changing view of the world and life after the incident in Cordu. Admittedly, he hasn’t lived a beautiful life, and has seen the darkest parts of human nature/life. But he is still young, inexperienced and growing - He knows that. Hence, we see him proactively figure out how to grow, adapt and become more skilled in navigating the vicissitudes of life and the madness of the Beyonder world. He is trying to understand his forgotten memories, his own flaws, his own strength. He is learning how to build a team, work with others, strategise, utilise resources and connections for his own needs etc.

Pyromaniac

I haven’t delved deep into this as he just advanced, but based on his actions and story, I think CF was trying to show how fire is but a fuel and a tool. Whether it will fuel your heart or burn your soul, that is up to you. Will you use the rage and ambition within you as a tool, or fail to master it and let it burn you into ashes? 

Utilise your emotions as a good tool or fuel, but don’t let it overwhelm or burn you in your hunt for what you want.

On CF’s author’s notes from Vol 1-2

"Never satisfied, always challenging."

I hope he will always find fulfilment in writing, despite the backlash he may face throughout writing COI. I’m sure like many experienced author’s, he can tell the difference between insults and good critical feedback, and will be able to write the story he wants, and learn from this experience.

Had to also chuckle when CF had to go ‘did you even read’? Lmao. 

It is very clear CF out a lot of thought into the plot, characters, symbolism, messages and emotions he wanted to express and evoke.

He knows there will be people who won’t like it, and people who will.

After all, like the saying goes, you may be the sweetest peach by some people don’t like peach. 

Anyways, after Vol 1, we have many questions. After Vol2, we have more questions. I’m looking forward to finding the answers out as I read on, and I really like where this is going. :) Yes, I do miss LOTM and Klein, but, I also really do like COI so far and where it’s going. :) I really do hope to catch up with COI soon at least by the end of the year and experience the thrilling life of waiting daily for chapters :’) I will suffer, but it will be a suffering filled with much excitement and fulfilment. Thank you once again to everyone who has encouraged me to read LOTM many months back in March :’) I wonder if I can catch up within this year hehe.

Character review (oncology order)

Charlie

What can I say? He’s very loyal and innocent and naive, and I really like his character. I was really happy to see nothing terrible happen to him. *cough* I mean like, he didn’t die, I wouldn’t want to wish his Susanna incident on anyone *cough*. I’m glad to see he’s now part of the Beyonder world, and hope he remains protected and grows well.

Jenna

Honestly, it was a little hard to get connected with Jenna, since at first, she gets pretty irritated and annoyed with Lumian (tbf, mostly anyone would). It’s not that I didn’t like her, I just didn’t get to see much of her character. This changed once she accompanied Lumian in the rain, and followed him when his state was bad. I started to rly like Jenna then, and later began to understand her character. Especially when we get introduced to her family Elodie and Julien, how she cares for them, and her own motivations. I’m rooting for her, and I really like her as a character. She’s a good contrast with Lumian, and I think she’ll provide some good warmth and company for him in this tulmutuous period. She’s provided a lot of good humour and laughter too haha. I also love her advice for Lumian about acting loyal. She’s smart in her own ways, naive and new to the Beyonder world, but we can see her grow from her experiences.

My heart absolutely shattered after Elodie’s death - which some of y’all might recall my post about.

“But isn't it said that the night will pass and light will emerge? Why? Why is it always so dark? Why can't I see any light…”

Perhaps, aside from a fortunate few, darkness was the dominant theme in life. Light was but an occasional adornment.

Why, why is darkness always so overpowering, devoid of light?When will the sun rise again?

These quotes still make me sad. I still feel sad over the incidents. But I think CF did pretty well in showing the children's reaction, and the quotes reminded me of how I felt during some of my darkest times too :( But I really do like that Jenna has Lumian and Franca's support, it gives me hope for their family and for Jenna :') I feel like CF really did his research into grief, trauma, loss and mental health since LOTM, and it really shows in his works. It’s not over the top nor shallow, but quite realistic and leans more to the objective side in terms of story telling, as if we’re seeing it from an outsider’s POV, which, we are lol, but it suits the style.

Assassination principles

While I do like Jenna’s understanding of the assassination acting principles, I feel like a deeper meaning would be the assassination of the self in order to grow and achieve your desires. It is impossible to achieve what you want, especially in this field, without killing off a part of your past identity, values and moral principles. Sacrifices are necessary. You have to be willing to let go of the naive and innocent you, take risks, and accept the new change in you, while holding on to the core values and principles you have. Assassinate who you have to assassinate, kill off what doesn’t work for you and the parts of you that needs to be shed, but do not simply assassinate everything along the way, or else you’ll be left with nobody and nothing left of yourself. The demoness pathway is filled with sacrifices and despair in the reach for their desires and hopes. It’s a hard path to walk for someone like Jenna / well anyone tbh, but, it’ll be interesting to see how she and Franca advances along the way as we discover more principles.

Franca

She was the first character I grew to really love. One of my fav characters until I got to know Jenna more. Lumian, Franca and Jenna are now tied :’) Personality wise I’d run way from Lumian but, I do love them all equally character wise :’)

Franca has such a reliable aura, and I love her protectiveness and care for Lumian, and her loyalty towards those she cares about. She gives great advice, good information, and takes care of those she cares about really well. 

You can imagine my shock, happiness and excitement when I saw her pull out the two of cups and summon Madam judgement!!! I literally reread the scene a couple times. I was so, so excited. I’m so happy Xio got her screen time too and see her skills! I felt really proud of the OG Tarot Club and see how far they’ve come, and seeing their lofty figures from Franca/Lumians’ POV. 

I’m excited to see Lumian trust Franca more now with this reveal, and see them work together!

I do feel a little sad for Franca, as I know what questions she’ll ask Mr. Fool *cough* transmigration, but hopefully by then, she’ll have developed good relationships and support system over here, and have support in dealing with the truth of the world…

Ok I’d write more but, uh, I really do want to continue reading COI now hhehehehehehflkjhfaslkdfhjasdlkfjhasdlkjfhsadlfkjhasdlkfjhasdlkfjhsad

I AM STILL NOT OVER THE DEATHS WTF CUTTLE. CAN I JUST… THROW YOU INTO THE COSMOS AND BACK FOR A BIT?

Final note:

To all you lovely readers who have read this long essay *cough* ravings *cough* or perhaps followed me since my journey in LOTM here - I hope that you may be able to appreciate and notice the small rays of light the brush past your face in your journey, and not have to wait until you’ve reached your destination to embrace the warmth of the sun. The life and impact you make as a mere human being may feel like being a speck of dust floating in the vast cosmos, but I wish that you may still find meaning in the life you live, and in the things you seek. Perhaps you may realise what you seek is not what you need and change along the way, and perhaps, I suspect Lumian may have to let go of reviving Aurore at the end and change his goals, but, may you be embraced with the warmth of the sun from your companions and from the random blessings life throws at you. I hope you may be able to hold on to your own purpose and values in this life, and tread on with fire in your heart, without letting it consume you whole. Ambition and desire is great, but too much of it can burn you. Push yourself, but not so much that you break apart. Be like Lumian! Seek help when you need, and take things in stride.

As for flaws in CF’s writing and in COI - I’ll leave that in the end, if I ever do write about it. I’m just enjoying the journey now haha.

Anyways, take care everyone, and thanks again for listening to my ravings………

PRAISE THE MTOD AND MGOD!!!

*cough*

PRAISE THE FOOL!

PRAISE CUTTLEFISH!

[nesting-dreams]

I personally prefer it when Kevin is in charge of tmnt and not Peter. this is my personal opinions. You’re not wrong or right for agreeing or disagreeing with me. I’m not right or wrong either. It’s my thoughts. I have different tastes if you disagree with me. And that’s ok. Hopefully you can see where I’m coming from even if you disagree.

Peter’s too restrained. Boring.. constantly flip flops on ideas and instead of owning it he goes “might” instead of just yes or no. He tends yo strictly stay close to the mirage comics, but also ignores certain chapters that he dislikes for adaptations he’s involved in. Only knows his own characters at surface level and delves into them at a shallow depth. Mikey’s just the stoner to him and not really a character which is why Mikey’s always just existing whenever he’s in charge. Raph’s just this angry brute with nothing else going on. Stuff like that. (This is his responses in interviews and his work practice).

Kevin experiments but knows when too pull back if an ideas too out there even for the series. He actually says yes and no to things confidently. He’s the idea guy. Knows these characters at a deeper level and allows them to actually explore things beyond the stereotypes. (Interviews and his work practice).

Both say Mikey is the heart of the series, but Peter never shows proof of that. Kevin does. In the original mirage, Mikey’s not an idiot. Mikey’s not an idiot whenever Kevin is in charge. Mikey is always an idiot when Peter is in charge. I feel like based of this: Mirage mikey isn’t an idiot because of Kevin.

I feel like Kevin is the one you can give the most credit for with their original mirage series. Peter would of not gotten very far on his own without Kevin working with him.

(also side note: peter saying the turtles would never date anything. He helped Kevin write the romances in the mirage series. He doesn’t even remember his own source material for small details like that or he’s decided he finds it gross now, remembers and is a liar about that kind of thing would never happen).

(i only put this in one tag. Didn’t want to bring the mood down in all the different tmnt’s tags).

[bronx-bomber87]

We march forward onto ep 8 for our series rewatch. :)

1x08 Time of death

This ep is a desert for gifs in general and Chenford content sadly.

Also a very Nolan forward ep. But lots of good Tim stuff too I wanted to review. That being said, had to use screen shots with my phone since this was a gif desert haha But none the less the review carries on ha

We start with Tim seeing Isabel being brought back to station cuffs and all.... Poor Tim. Always looks the saddest when Isabel is around. He asked Grey what is going on. Finds out she made a deal to be a CI Oof. His rough ride continues when it comes to her. The man can not catch a break. But her time with him is all about to come to head one way or another which he truly he needs.

We get our first (really our only) shot of our fav duo in their shop. Lucy commends Tim for letting the drugs be found. It's good she's reminding him what he decided was for the best. You can see he is still laden with heavy guilt over it. His internal loyalty still scolding him for not doing so. He defends Isabel and tells Lucy they weren't hers. I mean no...but she did willingly stash them for Carson my love.

He so desperate to have an explanation to this situation. To why she’s acting the way she is. He’s such a black and white guy. He needs this to make sense to him. To have something to hang this on. So he goes with her being taken advantage of. It’s what going to the narrative in his head for this. What his brain is able to wrap itself around. Lucy of course thinks that is BS and does what she does best. Calls him on it. Asking him if really believes that? Sadly we don’t get an answer due to Nolan’s officer involved shooting coming up. As the ep moves on we delve deeper into Isabel's CI SL. Tim finds out the plan from Talia and is none to pleased.

Tim comes into Capt. Anderson’s office like a bat out of hell. Ready to start throwing verbal punches. I love how the Capt immediately shuts him down before he continues. She’s like future Lucy puts him in check when he needs it. Something he responds to very well. He turns into sad puppy after she reprimands his abrupt entrance and lists off why Isabel is doing this OP.

When she is listing off those reasons he looks stressed. Tim wants so badly to control this situation. Yet he is at its mercy and its killing him. He’s so worried. He tells her the Isabel in her file is gone. The emotions brewing inside him and the look in his eyes. My damn heart. Eric doing what he does best. Killing me softly with his acting.

You see the empathy in Anderson's eyes after he says this. She softens a bit. Tells him at this point all she can give him is rescue detail. Only offer on the table for him. He accepts this but looks so resigned. Tim then apologizes for barging in and leaves much more defeated than when we walked in.

We get to see him next waiting in his car for the OP to start. Tim is causing self inflicted wounds, watching old videos on his phone of him and Isabel. Clearly long before this moment in time. Living in the past as long as he can before this op begins.

Angela interrupts this trip down memory lane by showing up in his car. (And bringing fries with her LOL) None the less she is ready to go into battle with him. To be there for him. You can see it on his face how much he appreciates this. He’s never one to ask but those important to him know he when he needs it. Her talking him through the op once it pops off is what he needs. I love Lopez. She’s the best. A true loyal friend through and through for Tim.

The op goes south pretty quickly after Isabel goes off book. They rush in to find Isabel’s wire and a trail of blood... Tim loses it on Wolfe and Vestri for letting this happen. Angela has to hold him back from going after them, his worst nightmare come to life in this moment. The one thing he always feared would happen. Ugh. This is where it ends for Tim at least. It’s a TBC with Nolan's SL still hanging in balance as well.

~~~

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Cold open is pretty funny with the escape room haha they’re all high fiving then Talia remember he’s a criminal LOL it’s such a serious episode they needed this levity up front.

Wolfe saying Isabel fallen off a long way since Tim( referring to Carson once they see him). She sure has….

Thank you all for your continued likes/ comments and reblogs. They mean more to me than you know. ❤️ Will try to get 1x09 next chance I get.

[kamyru]

Hey! The list of experiences you have had during your 3 years of med school are things that others wouldn't even think about occurring, and so the fact that you would be willing to delve into those topics through your writing, I think is really cool and I'm excited to see what you will write!

Could I request the third one on your list, about the sexual harassment from another employee with one of the characters of Romance MD: Always On Call?

Maybe Sen finding out his MC has been getting harassed by another doctor in the hospital, and that she hadn't told him, and how he would react/support her?

Hi, anon! Thank you for sending me this ask and telling me this. I was afraid that people would think that I seek attention. I'm happy to see that it wasn't the case. Medicine is hard, but I don't imagine doing anything else. I have always wanted to be into a profession that helps people. Yet, I think it's important to show the life from not its pinkest side. If anyone wants to send more requests regarding this, you can find the post in here (Turn my experience as a med student into fan-fiction ideas). I hope you'll like the result. ❤️

MC being sexually harassed by another doctor (Sentaro Kyogoku x MC) (Scenario)

Trigger warning: Sexual harassment

Author's note: The name Dr. Takahashi was chosen randomly.

Summary: Sentaro wanted to help MC enlarge her medical knowledge, however he had no idea where that would make to her.

Word counting: 1427

"Do you want to train under Dr. Takahashi?" Sentaro asked MC while in the EICU headquarters. He knew from the start what her reaction would be: big eyes full of enthusiasm, clapping hands, and unintelligible blabbering. When she finally got hold of herself, MC nodded and spiraled into continuous confirmations. "Butthead," Sentaro mumbled but didn't forget to pat her head.

Dr. Kyogoku hoped that MC's reaction was the same every time she woke up, understanding that she would spend another day with him. Okay, he knew that his girlfriend was at least half as animated in the mornings because of this, thankful she was a step away from reaching her dreams of saving lives and having the love of her life near her. MC would spend twenty-four hours with one of the leading doctors from the NICU, but Dr. Kyogoku was still the best in MC's eyes.

A curious and slightly jealous Sen met MC after her shift with homemade breakfast. However, instead of seeing an exalted MC who could barely shut her mouth, he met an absent-minded girl who didn't glance at the meat on the table.

"Was it a hard shift?" Sentaro asked while munching on something random from the table.

MC looked at him for a while and tried to smile. However, her lips contorted into a thin line that accentuated the bags under her eyes. She shook her head and walked to the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend. Dr. Kyogoku wanted to know more about her shift, her experience with Dr. Takahashi, the differences between them, and maybe some tips. Though, not after MC's sleep, nor any other day he got any information. All he could find was that it was normal and a little about the patients. Sen cared about the patients. It was his job. But he could read their reports. What he wanted to know was about the doctor. A furrow appeared between Sen's brows, a furrow that would grow only deeper.

The first time Sen had a hunch that something wasn't alright was the next day at the EICU headquarters when MC moved her chair a little further from Takado when he sat near her. The furrow spread to the orthopedist. Yet, everyone knew MC and her antics, so there was no reason to get worried, was it?

However, the furrow was more contagious than anyone could expect. Its next victim was Ekuni, whose entire couch got avoided by the once clumsy MC who tripped on him every other day. Poor Hosho had it even worse because his existence was entirely ignored.

The circle was complete when MC flinched under Kasumi's touch when his hand found its place on her shoulder during a meeting. That was when everyone understood that something had happened, and it wasn't just about MC's antics. So, Kasumi had to do something about this because MC was a part of his team, a dear friend, and Sen's most important person.

"Did you observe it?" the cardiologist asked Sen after a meeting in his office. The pediatrician didn't need an explanation to know what his boss was talking about. His shoulder fell, and he let out a long breath.

"Something happened. Why don't you try to cheer her up? Maybe a change of environment will help?"

Sen didn't know what to say but knew he had to do something. For the rest of the day, he tried small tricks on MC to cheer her up: ate ramen with her, used more of his voice, and spent most of the day in her company. However, nothing changed even when they found themselves in Sen's car. So, the boyfriend had to use the last resort.

"What do you think about another shift with Dr. Takahashi?" Sen tried, even if he hadn't talked his over with the doctor.

At these words, MC's eyes got bigger, and she tried to say something, but nothing coherent left her lips. All Sen could understand was his girlfriend's head shook. Something happened, and this had to do with Dr. Takahashi. On the next red light, the man put a hand on MC's thigh, in an attempt to calm her and encourage her to open up. However, she flinched even harder than when Kasumi touched her. She moved her leg, trying to escape from her boyfriend's touch. Sen apologized, then apologized again. Even if it was something normal to rest his hand on her thigh, he had to accept that it made her uncomfortable. He wanted to talk to her about this as soon as possible, but MC ran out of the car when he stopped and shut herself in the bathroom. After an hour, she left but chose to take the side of the bed nearer to the wall, pressing herself entirely on it and putting as much space between her and Sen as possible.

Sen couldn't let it slide. MC was his girlfriend and the most precious person in his life. If she couldn't talk about what had happened, he had to find out by himself. And the fastest route to do it was to go to the first clue - the person after whose interaction with MC had changed: Dr. Takahashi.

It wasn't as if Dr. Kyogoku and Dr. Takahashi were besties. They had a purely professional relationship where they were the happiest not to interact outside the hospital. However, they respected each other as doctors, which was the reason behind Sen's possibility to send MC to study under him. But he was ready to throw everything under the bus if it was for MC.

"I came here to ask you about my protege," Sen started with one of his signature smiles.

"MC? She is one of the best residents I have met in my entire career. You taught her well."

For a second, Dr. Kyogoku let a genuine smile reach his lips. He couldn't stop himself from feeling proud of MC. She was one of the best. However, he didn't have to forget why he was there.

"Did you have any emergencies then? Lost a patient?"

Dr. Takahashi shook his head. They had two operations during the day and then did check-ups. Sen was ready to leave and ask the nurses and the patients or even try to make MC talk. However, the second he stepped outside, he heard Dr. Takahashi mumbling: "Poor thing you are the one who took MC first. Fantastic body and soul."

And it clicked. The furrow between Dr. Kyogoku's brows grew the deepest, and the anger took control of him. With heavy steps, he approached his colleague and took him by the collar.

"What did you just say? What did you do?"

The older doctor tried to step back to escape Sen's fury. However, the grip on his collar was too strong.

"I did nothing wrong. I just listened to my desires. And don't tell me that you have never thought about touching that butt at least once."

Maybe Dr. Takahashi thought he did nothing wrong and was too sure of men's solidarity. But it didn't stop Sen from punching him in the face. In an attempt to save his butt, the offender took a heavy book from his desk, ready to avenge himself. Yet, Dr. Kyogoku was faster and made his opponent drop the improvised weapon. That weakened his defense, and a punch found its place on his lips. Thankfully, the nurses heard the noise and ran to stop the two doctors. Five minutes later, both of them were in the HR office.

MC had no idea what her boyfriend discussed with Dr. Takahashi and the HR department. What she knew was that she had to take care of Sen's wound as gently as possible.

"That's for the first time you touch me in days," Sentaro whispered.

MC let go of Sen's chin and looked at her feet. A tear fell down her cheek.

"You know what happened, don't you?"

"Broadly," Dr. Kyogoku nodded.

That made MC break. She covered her face with her hands, and fat tears fell on the ground.

"Can I touch you?" a heartbroken Sen asked, afraid to hurt MC even more. After he got her approval, he put his hands around her shivering body. "It's okay. I won't let anything like this happen again. It wasn't your fault."

MC's weak hand found its place against her boyfriend's chest. She couldn't talk just then. But she would. And even if she wouldn't, Sen was ready to be near her as long as she needed him and a little longer.

[merakiui]

I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.

[purrincess-chat]

I heard you were comforting sad Adrinette shippers and I came as fast as I could.

honestly I'm so tired of the fandom drama. Once again had to block people because apparently Adrinette is boring and generic and then dating is destroying the love square development. Like I don't know how to say this but, Adrinette dating doesn't ruin the development, that is the development. Now people are saying that the love square has been destroyed. All from their not fav side getting together?

Hugs for all the tired Adrinette stans. People turned on them so quickly and for what?

You are so right, nonny. Adrinette dating is the development for the square. The dynamics changing was always bound to happen. That's how development works. What would be boring is if they stayed the exact same. People have been begging for something to happen between them for 4 seasons, and now when something has finally shifted and changed people are clinging to the old ways like "how dare the writers change them, they were perfect the way they were!!" Make it make sense, yall.

I'm still trying to see the boring part of Adrinette dating. Every episode I have watched this season has been so interesting and emotional, and it has made me fall in love with them all over again because they're so precious. And the show finally delving into their characters and addressing issues so they can come closer together and deepen their bond??? Hello??? That's so good??? And needed? Literally how is Adrinette becoming more comfortable with one another to a point where Marinette is confident around him instead of stammering and Adrien finally having someone he can lean on for support with his whole family situation bad for the love square? Literally how? The kids are finally getting the opportunity to love each other openly and be together. That's what we have all been waiting for since s1. Just because it wasn't a side some people wanted doesn't make it bad writing. The writing this season has been better than all of the past seasons. There is linear plot, character development that sticks, a deeper look into the villains motives, people making moves all over the place, foreshadowing. Literally everything we've asked for this whole time.

Some people just need to accept the fact that this is canon now, whether they like it or not. They can either live with it or move on. If the show no longer appeals to them because *checks notes* the flagship of the show got together, and there are "other shows that do high school romance way better" then perhaps they should go watch one of those shows instead. I've lost interest in shows before too, but rather than whining about it to people who still enjoy it, I just stopped watching. It's really that simple. And all of the hate and vitriol spewed at Adrinette and Adrinette stans for having the ✨audacity✨ to defend their enjoyment of canon and how this development makes sense with everything the show has given us up to this point is actively making the fandom worse. Like good god it's the same two people, arguing why it's unfair that Adrien and Marinette got together when it should have been Marinette and Adrien getting together is the stupidest shit. And actively shitting on people just for liking canon and making actual real people feel bad for enjoying a show about fictional teenagers just because it didn't turn out the way some people wanted? Shit behavior. Absolutely shameful.

Don't feel too bad about having to block people, nonny. Do what you have to for your peace in fandom. We can hang out here and have sleepovers and talk about how wonderful the love square being canon is while eating snacks and braiding each others hair. ❤

[brandyllyn]

To sell your love for peace (01)

Javier Peña x f!reader [no use of y/n]

Summary: You weren’t his type but he was willing to make an exception.  Words: 2500

Other Chapters My Masterlist 

Rated: Hella Explicit.

Warnings: language. fingering. PiV. prostitution. Javier is a normal amount of asshole.

You were pretty. That was the first thing Javier noticed after you threw open your apartment door. Not the brittle beauty of the girls that he usually preferred, but a basic almost wholesome kind of pretty that he knew a lot of men paid good money for. Javier stepped inside, carefully scanning the street behind him and then guiding you back into your apartment with one hand on the base of your spine. He closed the door behind him, being sure to lock it.

You introduced yourself and he nodded. "Javi," he offered, holding a hand out and taking note of the calluses on your fingertips when you took it. He scanned the small living room, taking in the quilt hung on the wall and the small painting of flowers near the kitchen.

"Can I get you a drink?" You asked, hands nervously running down your thighs. He nodded and you disappeared into the kitchen, the skirt of your dress skimming across your thighs. He took in your assets almost dispassionately. You had a cute, girl-next-door vibe. Someone a man could pretend to be in love with for the night.

You probably had more work than you knew what to do with.

The whiskey bottle you held up was exactly what he was hoping for and he nodded at your questioning look. You met him in the living room with two glasses, walking around the threadbare couch and settling onto one end. He sank into the other, shrugging his jacket off.

"Vanessa says you know each other-"

"From work," you finished for him, glancing at him from the corner of your eye before looking away. He was used to this. A lot of men were harsh with the girls, and as a result there could be a hesitancy in women in your profession around unknown strangers. It was important that he made himself as non-threatening as possible.

"From work," he echoed, taking a drink from his glass but not probing on that subject further. "How long have you lived here?"

Glancing around the apartment you shrugged, "A few months? I moved her from Medellín last fall."

Javier made a note of that, sipping his whiskey. "The place is nice, I like the quilt."

You smiled, finally, seeming to relax a bit. "My grandmother made it."

He smiled back, "I have a blanket my great-grandmother crocheted. Ugliest thing you’ll ever see. Old bat was colorblind." You gasped and choked on the whiskey and his grin grew wider. "You okay?"

"Yes," you croaked, holding a hand to your throat. "Just, went down the wrong way." Your eyes met his from under long eyelashes. "My grandmother would murder me if she heard me talking about her like that."

"Mine’s already passed," he shrugged. "I’m not worried."

"I’m sorry." You reached out and touched his knee and then jerked your hand back. He clocked that as well.

The whiskey was good, not expensive by any stretch but not cheap shit either. He watched as you fidgeted with the hem of your skirt, glass in one hand. Finally you said, "Vanessa says you’re… that you can pay. For… information."

This was what he had been waiting for. He leaned forward, dropping his glass to the table and turning his body towards yours. "That depends on the information."

You swallowed and nodded to yourself. "I know some… I heard something. About…"

He knew this dance as well. Knew why you were hesitating. "If you help me I promise to do everything I can to keep you safe."

You nodded again, still not looking at him. "If I knew something about Escobar. And his plans. That would be worth something?"

"If it turns out to be true," Javier raised an eyebrow. "If it helps us, then yeah. It’s worth something."

You nodded, silently staring into your glass.

"Do you know something?" he asked, watching your face. You stared into the distance before the words tumbled out.

"There’s a hit. On Friday. The Minister of Finance."

Javier blinked. He knew that. Six weeks of surveillance by the CIA hoping to find a connection for their own purpose had dropped the nugget of information to the DEA. It had taken a lot of wrangling and horse-trading to get the info, and even now he could admit it was more dumb luck than skill that had gotten them the notice.

Dumb luck, skill, and now you dropping it in his lap.

"How do you know that?" He asked and his eyes narrowed when you shook your head at him.

"I can’t- please don’t ask me that."

Also not uncommon. If the relationship continued he’d get it out of you eventually. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a pack of smokes, giving you a questioning look and offering one to you. He lit it after you gave permission, letting it dangle from his fingers as he watched you.

"How do I know this is good intel?"

You sighed, setting your glass down on the coffee table. "The man, the one who is going to do the hit, his name is Jackal."

Javier sat bolt upright, dropping his cigarette across his empty glass. That was a name he’d only heard a few times. A sicario that had thus far evaded any attempt to get a photo. "How the fuck do you know that name?"

Again you shook your head. "I asked you not to ask me that."

He bit off his retort. If you had a lead on Jackal, even if it was only hearing about him in passing, then he needed you to keep offering him intel. Needed you to trust him and tell him how you knew this. He pulled his wallet out with a grunt, opening it and thumbing through the contents. Javier looked at you through the cigarette smoke as he dropped a twenty onto the table.

"Until I can confirm," he paused and looked you over. You weren’t really his type. He liked his girls primped and preened, long nails and perfect makeup. But then again, there was something about the smooth skin that your dress showed, the curve of your thigh, the way he could see your nipples pebbled against the fabric. You weren’t his type but he was willing to make an exception. Slowly raising an eyebrow, he held your eye as he counted out another sixty bucks. "Yes?"

You nodded, licking your lips, the action making his cock stir. He added another twenty onto the pile, making it an even hundred, before folding the remaining cash and shoving it back into his jacket. "Drink up," he motioned at your glass, picking his cigarette up and taking a puff.

"You’re beautiful," he said conversationally and you choked again. His brow furrowed. It was just something to move the night along. To get out of the idea of you being an 'informant' and back into your day - well night - job. The girls usually liked it when he complimented them, winking at him and offering to show him all of their beautiful parts. But you seemed flustered and your chest heaved.

It was an amazing act.  

"Can I kiss you?" A standard question. Every girl had a different standard for what they were willing to do - the intimacy they were comfortable with. Judging from your look and demeanor - your schtick was 'hometown sweetheart'. Javier was pretty sure the answer would be yes.

Sure enough you nodded and he carefully set his cigarette to the side, shuffling across the couch and cupping his hand behind your neck. Pulling you closer to him and gently pressing his mouth to yours. Your lips parted on a gasp and he took advantage of it, thrusting his tongue deep and licking inside of you.

You smelled sweet. Tasted it too. He was used to women who tasted like cigarettes, maybe alcohol - just like he was sure he did. But you tasted like sugar and he delved his tongue deeper into your mouth to chase it. He wondered, idly, if you would taste as sweet all over. If maybe tonight would be the night to break his general distaste on going down on a hooker. He always thought, in the back of his mind, that he would end up with a mouthful of someone else’s cum if he did.

He didn’t begrudge you your profession, but there were some aspects of it that frankly didn’t interest him.

You moaned softly and he wrapped his arms tighter around you, guiding you backwards until you spilled down onto the couch. He slipped his hand under your shirt to palm at your breast, your back arching up to him with a small gasp. Oh, he liked that. The air of inexperience rather than the usual carefully orchestrated arches and moans. He thrust his tongue into your mouth, finding your nipple with sure movements and rolling it between his fingers.

You cried out, your hands tugging at the strands of his hair and your thighs parting so he could settle more firmly between them. His lips ghosted down your neck, digging his teeth into the soft flesh and you trembled. You fucking trembled and Javier made a mental note that he had gotten a deal with the hundred he had dropped for you.

His hands pulled at your clothes and you dropped your own to help, pushing the top of your dress down. Reaching behind his neck he pulled his shirt over his head, not bothering with the buttons, and then leaned down and pressed his chest to your bare skin.

"Fuck you feel good," he groaned into your mouth, tongue darting out to taste you once again. Your fingers skimmed down his spine, slipping beneath the band of his jeans and then rising back up. He wanted your hands on him and he reached behind himself to catch one of your wrists, dragging it between your bodies and pushing it beneath the denim. Your touch was soft at first, hesitant, but a thrust of his hips pinned your fingers between his cock and your stomach and he could rock himself into your palm.

It took very little adjustment to press his mouth to your breast, to pull your nipple into his mouth and tug. Your hand clenched around his cock and you let out a soft whine that sounded almost like his name. He grinned, moving to your other breast, rubbing his cheek to your soft flesh.

"You smell like cookies," he groaned, licking underneath your breast and then up to your neck. "Fuck, how do you smell like fucking cookies?"

"It’s vanilla," you gasped and he pressed his nose to your neck, inhaling the soft scent. It reminded him of home, of lazy weekend mornings and a domesticity he had left behind in Laredo. Powdered sugar on almond dough and canned preserves pulled out for Sunday breakfast.

Fuck he definitely hadn’t paid you enough.

He shifted his weight on the couch, reaching down to stroke up your thigh. He felt you shiver and then his fingers met soft cotton. Soft, damp, cotton.

"Oh sweetheart," he pressed his lips to your cheek, pushing the fabric aside and running his hand through your slick heat. "You’re so wet. For me?"

You didn’t answer but your thighs parted further and his thumb slipped over your clit. He heard you gasp, pulled back to see you bite your lip and arch your neck.

"Can you come for me pretty thing? Come on my fingers before I fuck you?"

The hand that was in his pants shifted, fingers wrapping around his cock more fully and he dropped his forehead to your shoulder and matched your movements, slipping two fingers inside of you. Felt you squeeze around him even as your hand tightened and slid across his cock. If he wasn’t careful he was going to come in his jeans like a fucking teenager.

He sat back on his heels, using his free hand to pull your hand out of his pants. With a careless twist of his wrist he flipped your skirt back and tugged your panties to the side. "Oh that’s a pretty little pussy," he growled, "you think you can take three?" He didn’t wait for a reply, pulling your hips up so they rested on his thighs and then slipping three fingers deep inside you. You reached over your head with both arms, twisting your hands into the pillow under your head. The action lifted your breasts up higher and Javier wished he had a third hand so he could pinch your nipples while he played with you.

Three fingers in your cunt, two fingers of his other hand rubbing across your clit. He could fucking hear how wet you were for him, felt your muscles clench around him, your knees rising further to his sides. "Yeah, fuck baby that’s it."

He wouldn’t say you screamed when you came. The sound was lower than that, more of a helpless cry than anything else. Your mouth opened in a perfect 'O' - a shape made to take his cock. Maybe next time. Right now, he wanted to be inside of you.

His jacket was on the floor and he retrieved a condom while you were still recovering, slipping it on and giving himself a couple of short tugs. Leaning forward and propping one hand on the pillow next to your head, he pushed your panties to the side. Lining himself up and slowly sliding inside of you.

You had been tight on his fingers, on his cock you fit like a fucking glove. He pressed all the way, watching your face as you took every inch of him. The way your forehead crinkled and you bit your lip. Then your eyelashes fluttered open and you met his eyes.

Fuck, you smiled at him.

He fell across you, thrusting his tongue into your mouth and taking you hard and fast. He could feel your nails raking down his back, your legs lifting to wrap around his hips. He wanted to make you come again, wanted to feel you shudder and moan beneath him.

But your hands came up to cup his face and you moaned "Javi" directly into his mouth and he fucking came. Body hunching over yours as he cursed and grunted, fucking hard into you and then dropping his forehead to yours.

"Fuck I’m sorry," he mumbled, kissing you softly.

"For what?"

He groaned and pulled out of you, leaning back to the other side of the couch and stroking his hand along your calf. "I’m not usually such a fucking two-pump chump."

You pulled a blanket from the back of the couch, tucking it under your arms and covering your legs before sitting up and placing your hand over his. "Maybe… maybe we try again?"

Javier leaned his head back and shut his eyes. How the fuck did that make him feel worse? "No, I have to go. There’s something I gotta… anyway. I can’t stay."

"Oh."

He turned and looked at you, reaching out and chucking you lightly under the chin. "Maybe next time?"

Your smile was bright enough to light up the fucking city. For just a moment Javier felt like he was the only man in Bogatá.

God damn you were good at this.

.

Pt 2

.

Taglist:

@hnt-escape, @kesskirata , @supernaturalgirl , @notabotiswear , @wonderlandgabby , @pascalesque

[darktangledwhispers]

There is collected horrors upon me. (Kurapika X Reader) N-S-F-W

𝕿𝖂: 𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖎𝖓𝖘 𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖋-𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖒, 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉....

I am randomly here now. Don't mind. Just read why don't you?

☂ Collecting your thoughts, racing through your head, you hated this horrid nightmare that kept replaying over and over. He always managed to be one step ahead of you, in everything. His color-changing eyes delved with the witness of torture beyond no imagination, blonde and never-ending soft hair that practically glided through his fingers every time he was stressed. That's what lured you in and now he is right there. In your reach. But managing to look so far away. The pain in his eyes was like no other. How could you manage to fall for someone that's barely there in their own mind?

He looked up at you, his attention not set on the wet cement anymore, but on your apprehensive figure. His lips were parted, you seemed to be staring at them for too long because once he spoke, the movement had startled you.

"Did I interest you that much?" His slick voice escapes his mouth, sounding deeper than before. "I was worried you would stop following me." He stood up, managing to almost tower over you.

You scoffed, feigning disinterest before turning your head back to him. "Why would I ever stop? You're my only lead." You look at him with desperation almost, hoping he won't run this time. Although that was a silly thought. He rarely stayed long enough for you to collect yourself. He always left you breathless. The scent of him caught in your throat as he leaned forward, his eyes flickered down to your lips before looking back up. Kurapika had never once smelt anything around bad. He always smelled like the fresh crisp smell of honey drizzled all over redwood, a sweet but harsh scent, it always made you picture a beautiful forest that had the best dark secrets.

"Why haven't you tried to make me tell you anything yet then?" You didn't expect to hear those words come from him. It left you a little shocked. How hasn't he disappeared yet? It used to be so easy for him too. Now he hit the nail on the head... And so unexpected.

"Why haven't you told me anything if you knew?" You managed to come back with a witty response, a raindrop hitting your nose but you never let your gaze move away from him, afraid that if you even blinked, he would be gone. A smile appeared on his face, only for a split second before he went back to his usual deadpan expression. It tugged at your heartstrings, your knees feeling a little heavier than usual.

"You're right. But what if I liked seeing your skill (F/N)?" Once your name left his lips a shiver ran down your spine.

"How do you know my name?" Your voice wavered now, a little frightened at how he managed to find out. It would've taken a lot for someone to find your name, if not years. You barely told anyone your name.

More raindrops found their way onto your burgundy coat and on Kurapika's reddish-pink nose. It looked like he was really cold from the flush on his cheeks. He looked down, not giving an answer.

Thinking that he would escape now, you sighed and your shoulders dejected, looking at the grey bricked sidewalk. You turned. "You've seen my skill enough then. We weren't supposed to get close like this. I have an objective. So do you." Before you knew it, cold harsh words left your lips. Kurapika's eyes showed a tinge of discomfort to them, the curiosity leaving and replaced with what could only be described as worry. His newfound interest, leaving him? Oh, that wasn't a good thought at all for him. But you didn't know your effect. You thought it was just your silly mind... Playing tricks...

Your dark cerulean boots hit the scattered puddles on the ground, leaving the traumatized blonde on his own, his mouth agape slightly. Was he the one being left behind now? No. That couldn't happen. That wasn't happening. He tensed up as he chased after your disappearing figure, a new feeling taking over him, desperation.

His black dress pants were getting wet on the edges and his shoes becoming littered with water droplets. Your confused (E/C) eyes entered his sight as soon as he came to a halt, only three feet away from you. The boy was confused, it was jumbled all onto his face. Why was he following you? He did have one objective. He needed to focus but you were the only thing on his mind lately. That's why he led you here... Right?

"You can't leave. I haven't said-"

"Yet you can when it's me the one talking." You interrupted him, a glare sent his way. He looked down and then back up, his breathing rigid, his brown eyes flickering to a scarlet which made you stop everything altogether.

"I was afraid." The truth practically dripped from his lips from that moment. His eyes showed all the vulnerability. Why was he opening up to you like this now? Why is he trying to mess with you? You gritted your teeth, shaking your head. "Please leave."

"Why?" He asked, stepping closer to you, realizing he's managing to get through to you. He knew it was wrong to slowly force you to open yourself to the idea of letting him talk but he needed to speak his mind. You were giving in to his little trap.

"You're making a mistake Kurapika. You're making me make a mistake." You shook your head and backed away, trying your best to understand what he needed to say so badly but there were no clues. "You're giving me the wrong idea..." You muttered, your heavy breathing could be seen in the cold air, letting off a fog.

He slowly walked to you until he was only a couple centimeters apart, his scarlet eyes staring deep into yours. You were getting lost in them, your breath hitching. His face... So close... It reminded you of when you first saw him, standing on the rooftop, peering down at the auction house. It was only until later on, you had realized that he had become the Mafia leader. You knew then he could help you but you didn't realize that he was going to try to help in multiple ways. Especially like this.

"Who told you it was the wrong idea?" He had no idea what he was saying, he just followed what his heartbeat was telling him and it was pointing to you in over a million different ways and languages in his head. His lips were slowly coming closer to yours, the rain had picked up but both of you were too distracted to notice. His nose touched yours, the excitement erupted in your stomach as the Kurta pushed you against a wall of one of the buildings. Good thing he picked this time... The city had no one wandering around at this time.

"Back away Kurapika..." Your voice gave it all away, how unsure you were, how much you wanted this boy's lips on yours. It expressed everything to Kurapika at that moment and he took it as a sign to move forward, his lips crashing onto yours.

They were soft, the slight taste of liquor was on them but not enough to cringe at. You made a note of that. 'Guess he likes to indulge in his own regrets...' You gripped onto the lapels of his suit, a groan muttering out his mouth and into yours. You could feel the wetness of his hair against you from the rain, the raindrops mixing in with the kiss before you pulled away. There was a relief of some tension as you looked into his eyes. But they were still burning red.

It was obvious. He didn't just want one simple kiss...

He wanted more.

Everything from then on was a blur, from the trip to his place, to how your clothes slowly littered his marble living room floor, to where you were getting observed by him... Underneath him... His intense gaze never left you, every little inch he observed of your skin, littering kisses, a little lovebite. You'll never get the feeling of his teeth lightly grazing and latching onto your skin ever out of your mind. Never. He was intoxicating. Everything about him was intoxicating you.

"Keep looking at me like that... So I can keep it in my head forever..." He whispers, his lips pressing against your neck now as his hands explore the sides of your body. Rough and still soft... It made you shiver as you looked at the white ceiling. His bed was huge and it made you wonder how he even slept in it lonely but that thought quickly got suppressed in your mind as he found your sweet spot. A moan left your lips unexpectedly, his grip tightening on the bedsheets once he heard what he'd been waiting for. He continued to abuse that spot, his teeth pressing in now, the taste of your skin messing him up slowly. You groaned.

He stopped once he knew left quite the mark on you, his kisses becoming rougher and his hands clearly impatient as they started to travel more. Sounds kept slipping out of you, driving him to slowly lose it. He couldn't take it anymore.

He gripped onto your wrists tightly, marks were going to be on them later, a foreign feeling pushing into you and before you know it you were screaming because of him. He changed his rhythm every time he knew you got comfortable, his own expression twisted in pleasure. There was a little blood surrounding his mouth. You knew he didn't mean to... He couldn't help it.... He just used his canines too much... And you didn't care.

"Kurapika..." You muttered against his collarbone, your nails pressed against his back. He sucked in a breath through his teeth as he tried his best to not hurt you again. He was afraid he would go too rough.

"I... love you..." Kurapika looked into your eyes, both of you shared your feelings through a kiss, his grip tightening fully as he couldn't hold back anymore, using all his strength until he made you tremble underneath him... Until you made his back bleed with scratches... Until he knew you wouldn't be able to speak that clearly the next day... He wanted those little reminders of this night to stay with you for a little longer and to stay with him too. He never wanted to forget this.

As soon as your second time flooded through your body, that's when he let go himself, letting everything out inside of you. The feeling making you shake before he collapsed next to you.

Both of you panting. You looked at him, his hair was sticking to his forehead and his eyes back to that beautiful hue of brown. Not that his scarlet wasn't just as beautiful.

"You d-didn't let me say it back..." You huffed, pulling yourself closer to him, trying your best to recover, and like he predicted, your voice was raspy.

"Your face was saying it for you." His laugh danced through your ears like a sweet melody as he moved some of your hair behind your ear before kissing you on the forehead and getting up. "Let me get you cleaned up." His arms were felt under you before you were lifted into his hold, his smile staying on his features longer than before.

You couldn't say anymore, your vocal cords were already strained enough and he understood. He didn't even question why you didn't speak while he cleaned your body. He kept a sincere gaze, washing every single spot, not missing anything. That was until he came across your old scars, a finger tracing them before a concerned gaze met with you.

"You hurt yourself?" Kurapika's voice held a hurt but gentle tone, of course, there were multiple scars on him but he could automatically tell when it was self-harm. He couldn't just leave that.

A sad face decorated yours, looking away, and he decided to bring it up another time. "You're still beautiful." He reassured you. "I won't think anything less of you. Just informing you." He looked up at you with a warm smile and you looked at him in awe, tears brimming your eyes at the sweet words. It was like he read your mind. With that, he pulled you into a hug, soon dressing you, making sure you're comfortable and then laying with you. And as you started to fall asleep, he comforted you on the way there.

"Your secrets are safe with me... (F/N)..."

[amimimi]

dreams; kyan reki

synposis: in which you tend to reki’s wounds after his second beef with adam; second part to this fic but it can be read on it’s own! takes place after episode 11

pairings: gn! reader x reki

genre: fluff. just fluff. and caretaking.

warnings: mentions of injuries. swearing. brief nudity (?) sap, so sappy.

word count: 3.5k

notes: i loved the series so much! reki has suffered enough, so i decided to show his some love. i was so so proud of him during episode 11. again, i apologize in advance for grammatical/spelling errors. i'm pretty busy with school so i'm just churning fics out at this point.

“i’m not letting you lift a finger for a month” you moan as you help seat reki on his bed. you’re both mostly dried from the rain, save for your hair and clothes. he only giggles in response and you can’t help it when you lean down to gingerly place your hands up to his face, kissing the bridge of his nose. “a month”

“ahh, i don’t think that’s gonna work” reki gives you an easy grin, before placing a kiss on the side of you mouth. “i got a shift tomorrow”

“i’ll cover your shift” you say, stone-faced. disbelief momentarily flashes across reki’s face before he breaks out into uncontrollable giggles—the kind that erupts straight from your stomach. your hands drop from his face. “shh! i’m serious!”

he hangs his head forward and brings a hand up to his mouth, attempting to quell his giggles. “you don’t even work there, y/n!” he manages to say before delving into yet another fit of giggles. reki must’ve curled in too far because his laughter is cut off by strangled cry. immediately, you surge forward, gingerly placing your hands on his shoulders.

it wasn’t unusual for reki to be banged up from skateboarding—everything from scrapes to fractures were all pretty common for him. in the beginning of your relationship with reki, it worried you to no end, and you even begged him to wear a helmet (he said no, of course). eventually you came to accept that injuries were going to be a normal occurrence for reki. but his injuries this time were slightly different.

reki had his second beef with adam earlier that night. technically reki had lost, but it felt more like a victory instead. he came so close, and he did so well. and he was happy. seeing him like that in his element, gleaming with joy, eyes lit a flame with passion—you felt like ten years was added to your lifespan. of course, reki took quite the beating but no where near the damage of last time.

“m’fine!” he wheezes, placing a hand over his stomach. “it’s just a bruise.”

you’re not convinced and it shows on your face because reki gently places his hand on the back of your head, pulling your forehead up against his. “i’m fine, baby”

you let yourself stay there, forehead pressed against reki’s and staring right into each other’s eyes. for the first time in weeks, you felt the tightness in your chest completely dissipate. because here you were gazing into his eyes—reki’s eyes, in his darkened room, knowing he was safe and okay.

“okay,” you whisper. reki gazes at you with half-lidded eyes and attempts to press his forehead closer (if that was even possible), brushing his nose against yours. “but i gotta patch you up”.

you wiggle out of reki’s grasp, who whimpers at the loss of contact, to grab the first aid kit he’d kept in his drawer. stumbling in the dark, you feel around for his desk, flicking on the lamp. reki watches you sift through the contents of his drawer, overtaken by a sudden wave of fondness. he loves you, always has. but suddenly, in this moment, he feels the love he has for you in a new way. it pools in his stomach, warm and fuzzy, and he feels so full, so content, like he ate a whole meal.

“i love you from my stomach” reki blurts out before he’s aware of what he’s saying. from over your shoulder, you glance at him quizzically and he feels a new sensation—mortification, burn all over his face. later, he’s going to blame his misspeaking on the fact that it was so late into the night and that every inch of his body was practically throbbing in pain. but right now, he can’t form any thoughts, let alone excuses.

“huh?” you’re facing him now, first aid kit in hand and your face twitching with the urge to smile. feeling his ears burn up, reki presses his lips and shakes his head, refusing to repeat what he said. “reki~! what did you say?”

he turns his head to the side as you make your way over to the bed. “i forgot”

“no you didn’t!” you whine, throwing the first aid kit on the bed and placing your hands over his cheeks. “say it again, please?”

“ahh, i meant it like—”reki pauses, thinking about how to put his feelings into words. “i-i don’t know! i love you, but sometimes i feel it in my stomach”

“oh”, you plop down right next to him on the bed, pulling your legs up to sit crisscross. reki follows your movement, pulling his legs up on the bed and crossing them. he’s looking at expectantly. “like butterflies, yeah?”

“no, not that. this feels warm—and kinda heavy”

“oh”, you tilt your head to one side and smile coyly. “so, desire then?”

reki rolls his eyes at you, his ears still red. “you’re so—”

“desperately in love with you?” you offer with a grin before leaning and catching his lips in a noisy kiss. you pull back, but not before kissing the tip of his nose just to see his reaction. reki fights back a smile, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards as he shakes his head.

“j-just patch me up, please”, he sighs as his lips finally quirk into a smile.

“can I change first?” you ask. wet jeans felt like murder and your shirt was starting to stick in uncomfortable places on your torso. reki nods and points to his closet.

“i have clean shirts and sweatpants folded in there” he informs you, watching as you sit up and make your way over to his closet. reki’s not surprised when you grab his pink dope sketch shirt, shooting him a cheeky grin.

you start tugging off your jeans and reki looks away to give your privacy. “you’re so precious, reki” you coo at him. reki only smiles at the opposite wall and shakes his head. when you’re done, you drop your wet clothes in his laundry and walk over to him. “i’m decent!”

reki looks back at you and his heart twists at the sight of you, clad in his work shirt, hanging just above your knees and slightly hugging your waist. he prays he isn’t blushing and gulps.

“i have sweatpants if you want some, sweetheart”, he reminds you weakly, trying to stop staring.

you blink at him, lost and then you gasp. “oh, sorry! I didn’t meant to make you uncomfortable!” you rush. “i’ll put some pants on—”

“no!” he practically shouts, before squeezing his lips shut. you both hold your breaths when you hear his little sister in the next room, groan and shift in her sleep. waiting, until he’s sure it’s safe, he continues much quietly. “i’m not uncomfortable. you look really good, i love you like this. i just want you to feel comfortable”

adoration surges in your chest as you watch your boyfriend clumsily and earnestly explain himself, a blush adorned on his face. “i feel the most comfortable when i’m with you” you admit with a shy smile, your face growing warm.

reki blinks up at you for a second, looking momentarily stunned before his face morphs into a soft grin. his eyes twinkle as he holds his hands out for you, sure and steady. placing your hands in his calloused ones, you sit down beside on the bed and sit criss crossed.

the both of you sit like that for a while, staring lovingly at one another and taking turn squeezing each other’s hands. finally, you bring reki’s hands up to your lips, littering his knuckles with kisses before giving them a quick squeeze.

“where do you hurt the most?” you question, sliding your hands out of his to open the first aid kit. you skim over his injuries, not even knowing where to start. there’s a line of dried blood and a bruise forming on the right side of his face, must be a small laceration under his headband. you know his back is cut up pretty badly and you hope it’s nothing too deep.

“my whole body is sore, if i’m going to be honest” he replies sheepishly. frowning, you gently tug off his headband to assess the damage. just as you suspected, a small cut right under his hairline. the area is beginning to bruise too. you remember adam repeatedly punching him at one point, as reki had locked his arms around him... maybe reki should go to a hospital?

“I promise you i’m fine”, reki assures you, having picked up on the mounting worry on your face. he takes your hand in his, rubbing the roughened pad of his thumb over the back of your hand. “trust me! i’ve had worse. i was jumped and hit with a car all in one day and i didn’t even get a concussion”.

despite reki’s face beaming with pride, you frown deeper and fidget at the thought of reki getting hurt like that. “please don’t remind me...” you sigh, sitting up off the bed to grab a face towel from his closet. “i’m gonna run this under water, okay?”

“alright”, reki answered, watching you step out of his room to make your way to the bathroom. you hurry back, the wet towel dripping water down your forearm, and gently seat yourself on the bed.

you arrange yourself so that you are sitting criss cross in front of reki. “I’m going to clean it, alright?” you say, before leaning into give him a peck.

“okay” he murmurs, placing his hand on your knee. reki squeezes hard when you gently press the wet towel against his wound. you do this repeatedly until you make sure there’s no visible dirt around the wound before placing the towel on reki’s bedside table. you’re quick to patch up his forehead before placing a gentle kiss over the bandage. he snickers through his nose at this, squeezing your knee once more.

“now for your back...” you purse your lips. “take your shirt off.”

you’ve seen reki shirtless a thousand times before and he knows this. still, he can’t help but squirm under your gaze as he works at removing the layers of clothing he’s wearing. he takes his jacket off fine but he struggles a bit with his hoodie, still damp from the rain, wincing as he tugs upward on the fabric.

“here, lemme help you”, you murmur, sitting forward on your knees to tug his hoodie upwards and over his head. you work at the white t-shirt he had on under his hoodie next. gently as you could, you peeled the shirt off reki’s torso trying not to disturb his wounds. but he still flinches, sucking a quick breath in. “sorry! i’m sorry!”

“no, no! you’re fine, it just stung a little” reki promises you, giving your thigh a squeeze. you tug the t-shirt over his head, grimacing. his torso is littered with bruises and a few scrapes, but nothing too worrisome.

“okay, lemme see your back”, you tell him, bracing yourself as you crawl around him get a full glimpse. just as you thought, his back is scraped up and still bleeding lightly—nothing too deep. you grab the wet towel on his bedside table and hop off the bed to go run it under the bathroom facet.

when you return, reki is sitting on his bed exactly like you left, watching you tip toe over to him. “do you wanna take off your pants?” you ask, folding the wet towel. “maybe change into something dry?”

“um, yeah actually...” reki mutters, fumbling with his belt. “c-could you grab me some sweatpants? please?”

with the wet towel in one hand, you grab a pair of gray sweatpants from reki’s closet with your other hand. you can hear reki shuffling out of his pants as you walk over to the bed, with your face turned away.

you hold the sweatpants out for him, your face turned to the side. “you don’t have to look away if you don’t want to”, reki tells you and you can hear the smile in his voice. he takes the sweatpants from your hands.

“you gave me privacy, so i’m returning to the favor—give me your wet clothes, i’ll put them in the hamper”

you trade off the wet towel for reki’s clothes, wheeling around to place them in his hamper. when you turn back, reki is sitting with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, wearing just his sweatpants and holding the wet towel in one hand.

“whenever you’re ready, nurse y/n”, he smiles at you, showing his teeth. you squint your eyes at him playfully and shuffle over to his bed. accepting the wet towel from reki, you crawl behind him so that you have full access to his back.

“okay, i’m going to clean your wounds, let me know if i’m hurting you”, you warn him, folding your legs underneath you. he grunts in response. taking a breath to steel yourself, you gently press the towel against the abrasions. suddenly, reki gasps loudly. you squeak and pull back almost immediately, your heart in your throat. “what?”

reki’s back is shaking and to your relief (and horror), you realize reki is laughing. he turns his head around to catch a glimpse at your expression and laughs so hard, he snorts and it almost makes you laugh—almost.

“i’m sorry, i couldn’t help it”, he gasps between laughs.

you suck your teeth. “well, now that it’s out of your system, can you hold still? i seriously don’t want to hurt you” you reposition yourself, heart still hammering in your chest.

“sorry, angel, go ahead”, he stifles a giggle, holding still. hesitantly, you press the wet towel to abrasions on his back.

“that okay?” you question and he nods. taking another breath, you dab his entire span of his back with the towel, stopping every now and then to check in on him. once you’ve cleaned his wounds up, you dig around in the first aid kit for some gauze sponges to pat his back dry. “i’m gonna wrap you up for tonight but you should let it dry tomorrow, okay?”

“you got it, nurse” reki chimes back and you bite back a smile, reaching for the gauze dressing in the first aid kit. once you’ve placed the dressing over the worst of his wounds, you grab the gauze roll and begin to wrap it around reki’s torso.

at one point, your fingers brush up against his side and his breath slightly hitches. you freeze, giving him a concerned hum.

“i’m ticklish” he whispers sheepishly and you smirk, continuing to wrap the gauze around his torso.

“storing this information for later, thank you!” you tease causing reki groans. “i didn’t wrap it too tight, did i? can you breathe?”

“i can breathe fine, don’t worry” reki sighs, as you loosely tie the gauze. “you did great, thank you”

once you’re done tying the gauze, you place your hands on top of reki’s shoulders. “good?” you ask.

“good”, reki nods. you take in reki’s bandaged back, his slightly toned shoulders, his red hair pressed against nape of his neck, even the back of his head. he look’s so good with his hair down.

before you even know what you’re doing, you gently press your lips against the nape of his neck. reki freezes, his shoulder tensing before you press another kiss along the back of his neck. he shivers and his whole body melts. you kiss again, this time further up the nape of his neck and into his hair and he lets his head hang forward, sighing slightly. another kiss is placed where his neck meets his shoulder, and he has to bite back a whimper.

“i’m so proud of you”, you whisper into the back of his neck. he reaches around to squeeze your hand. “you did so great tonight—you’re always so great, you never fail to amaze me.”

upon hearing your words, reki feels a lump form in his throat. you always told him that, how proud you were of him for doing things he thought were exceedingly mundane. he remembers that night he was panicking in your bathroom, shaking on his legs like a newborn deer and barely managing to control his breathing. how even then, you were proud of him, for what exactly? he couldn’t answer.

but now, when you tell him that with your lips soft against his nape, in the darkness of his room, he believes you. he’s banged up and unbelievably sore, but he believes you. and further more, he’s feeling proud of himself too, for not disappointing himself, for doing what he had come to do at that beef.

reki shifts around, so that he’s facing you to see that you're smiling at him in a way that he could only describe as pure adoration.

“and...” you start, pushing his bangs back from his forehead. “you looked so fucking hot”.

reki eyes widened slightly before he blows air out of his mouth and rolls his eyes. you grab his face, forcing him to look at you.

“no, no! but you actually looked really good?” you giggled, squeezing his cheeks between your hands. “like, when you nailed that landing off that cliff? and when you dodged him like that? like, i knew you could move, but you were really moving, you know—?”

“y/n—”reki starts, grinning pretty hard as he tries to advert his gaze from yours.

“and you were smiling so hard, like you were actually glowing—beaming! i don’t know, something about the way you looked under those lights they have at S...i actually wanted to bark, like wow—”

“y/n, shut up!” reki is giggling now, flushed right down to his chest. he tries to wrestle your hands from off his face, but you kept your grip.

“don’t act all shy now, mister! you knew exactly what you were doing! when you were like ‘and you’d better remember it’, i was this close to dropping to my knees—”

“y/n—”

“and every one was screaming your name and i was just like ‘yea, that’s my boyfriend! my man! my prince—!’”

suddenly, reki flips you over pinning you arms right beside your head, the both of you giggling.

“oh my god, why are you still going” reki half groans between giggles as you continue to cackle.

“my sweetheart, my baby, my sweat pea, my darling, the future of father of my children, my honey bunch, my sugar pie, the apple of my eye, the light of my life—” you list off, delirious with laughter, not even fighting against reki’s grip on your forearms. he hovers over you, laughing too, his eyes shining and his face beaming

“you need to stop” reki shakes his head slightly, his bangs falling onto your forehead as he leans in for a kiss. he pulls back and you're silent for a moment...until you start rattling off corny pet names again, but this time less giggly.

“my sun, my moon, my stars, my whole world—” you murmur before reki presses his lips against yours. he pulls away and kisses the tip of your nose, the skin slightly under your right eye, and onto your left eyelid.

“you’re so annoying”, reki whispers, letting go of your forearms to hold your face instead.

“you kinda are too”, you whisper back, placing your hands over his, rubbing your thumbs along the back of his hand.

“mmm, i guess we’re destined for one another then” he murmurs and you nod, fervently. reki kisses you sweetly and you hum against his lips. “i love you so much”.

“i love you too, baby” you sigh, putty in reki’s hands. he looks so pretty above you, the lamplight reflecting his eyes and his cheeks still flushed. he looks like the human embodiment of honey.

you turn your head over to glimpse at the alarm clock on his bed side table. 3:37 AM

“our sleeping schedules are so messed up” you groan turning your head back to look up at reki. he blinks, following your gaze towards the alarm clock.

“oh, i usually sleep around his time anyway” he shrugs.

“okay, but you have injuries...so you need to rest to heal” you reason while sitting up slightly, forcing reki to sit up with you. “are you still in pain? i can get you a tylenol”

“i’ll need one in the morning, but i’m fine for now”, he assures you with a grin.

you both climb under his blankets, but he wants for you to sit back against his pillows. already knowing, you hold your arms out for him and he lays between your legs, wrapping his arms around your torso. reki presses his ear to chest, taking in the steady rhythm of your heartbeat, as you smooth his hair back.

“goodnight, sweetheart” you whisper, leaving your hand in his hair.

“goodnight, baby” he murmurs into you chest, pressing a kiss there. “i love you, i can’t wait to wake up and see you tomorrow”

you chuckle tiredly. “i love you too, i’ll see you in the morning”.

notes: this was also, long as hell. i apologize! this is honestly the sappiest sh*t i’ve ever written, idk if it can get any sappier than this (it probably can, and will >:3) .

[theanimeview]

PPPPPP - Why I Keep Reading a Music Manga That I Can’t Fully Recommend (Review/Analysis)

Source: VIZ Media, https://www.viz.com/shonenjump/chapters/pppppp?locale=en

By: Beata Garrett  | @zhongxia246​​

PPPPPP is a manga about a family of geniuses with piano superpowers, and it’s everything I expected something with that premise to be, yet underwhelming in ways that I’ll do my best to describe. I feel like it’s the kind of work you’d read if you want to read a mashup of The Umbrella Academy and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, but I can’t promise you’ll have as good of a time consuming it in comparison to either. 

When I wrote this review, there were only 16 chapters available on VIZ, but the representations of music in it has been stuck in my mind since I began reading it in September (2021). I’ll delve into the art later, but will focus on PPPPPP’s themes and plot first.

What It’s About

The protagonist, Lucky Sonoda, is the only mediocre child in a family of piano-virtuosos but continues loving it from afar while taking care of his ill, hospitalized mother. 

He’s like other shounen main characters: he’s optimistic, resilient, and has a deep passion for something he may not have the talent for even though the rest of his family does.

Since his parents’ divorce ten years ago, Lucky has been sidelined in the family as the untalented and oft forgotten seventh child of what should be the Otogami Septuplets. From the sidelines, he’s been forced to watch people fawn over his genius siblings, called the “Otogami Sextuplet Pianists,” along with having his surname changed to their mother’s, hence him being the only “Sonoda” of the seven children.  

Source: Chapter 1, PPPPPP

Lucky now lives with his aunt from his mother’s side and her spoiled son rather than his father or mother. The trauma of Gakuon and the aunt’s abuse are clearly affecting him, but he doesn’t blame anyone else other than himself--regularly attributing their terrible treatment of him to his mediocrity at the piano. He also blames himself for separating his mom from the rest of the siblings because he sees himself as the cause of their divorce, and is unable to imagine any future with his siblings as a result. 

He doesn’t exist to the family, especially to its patriarch, Gakuon, or to the rest of the world.

Source: Chapter 1, PPPPPP

Everything changes when his mother encourages Lucky to become a pianist because she loves his playing. She tells him to also prove his father wrong by showing him that anyone, including the mediocre, can play the piano. This is only the beginning of his journey into the musical profession that will inevitably draw him deeper into the world of his siblings and father.

Meaning in The Title

PPPPPP stands for pianissimo (or, pianississimo if you prefer the British-English spelling) repeated twice. A pianissimo note should be played very, very softly. In terms of voice, this would be even softer than a whisper. Playing pianissimo is difficult because you can’t hit keys with the typical force you would use, but it helps train your sensitivity to subtleties in music. 

Source: https://socratic.org/questions/what-does-ppp-stand-for-in-music

I do like how pianissimo represents Lucky’s gentle nature and soft playing--a tendency born from playing for his mother in the hospital. It nicely contrasts the more aggressive styles of the siblings raised by Gakuon. 

It wasn’t a bad trait to give Lucky in and of itself, but when combined with the power of granting wishes by recreating reality... well, that makes him overpowered. 

To be fair, unlike other music-focused manga, PPPPPP tries to tackle experiential-visual music as though it’s really happening rather than some fantasy the listener is simply imagining. It’s really interesting that, instead, Lucky is creating these images himself with music and sharing it with his listeners. In my search, I haven’t found anything that fits this in reality besides sound-color synesthetes (a form of synesthesia), a phenomenon in which one can associate music with colors. There’s also visual music, but that requires artists to make a visual component based on the music, which is not expressed within the manga. Moreover, I haven’t seen this brought out in other manga or comics before either. 

Chapter 12, PPPPPP

That said, PPPPPP’s idea, though great in visualizing music most of the time, also feels like a shortcut to avoid the more difficult issues that face any artist about their self-worth in their chosen field.

What makes this stand out is how clear of a level difference Lucky has compared to his peers. After all, once Lucky enters Shibuya Music High School, it’s clear that he’s below his peers in terms of skill and knowledge. He’s unable to discern notes that are played or follow along with much of what’s being said. However, despite this, his mentor, Hideo, tells him that his playing is special because of his history, desire, and its softness.

Source: Chapter 2, PPPPPP

While being able to play pianissimo better than other pianists allows Lucky to stand out and understand the nuances of his pieces better, it doesn’t compensate for other necessary techniques. It also puts him at a disadvantage for pieces that require louder emotions like joy or anger. 

I expected the manga to raise questions about authenticity, skill, and talent, and the worth of these traits in discerning the winner or best pianist in a competition. These are topics that have been raised frequently in sports manga like Haikyuu and Ping Pong, and music manga like Blue Giant and Blue Orchestra. One of the marks of a great sports or music manga is how they’ll approach these deeper themes of competition, talent, and skill.

Source: Chapter 3, PPPPPP

When Lucky begins competing with others, PPPPPP removes a lot of the musical complexity from the plot. For the first competition, Hideo challenges Lucky and Ako, a girl with perfect pitch, to compete. They have to play “Pavane pour une infante défunte.” It is a piece intended to be played very slowly, and Hideo advises Lucky to use his talent to take the listener to another place, as seen in the image above. 

There’s no clear winner of the battle, as Ako is technically superior in her playing, but Lucky passes by granting Ako’s “wish.” Her wish is for her mother to pat her on the head like she used to, and Lucky grants it through his playing of the piece using his magical powers. 

Chapter 3, PPPPPP

Unlike the other Otogamis, Lucky can only bring others into his memories and can’t conjure anything he hasn’t experienced. It’s a good limitation to his powers, but he remains a horrible player on a technical level and has to rely on it to win all of his competitions. 

Because of this magic that so many people seem to ‘magically’ appreciate, there isn’t a great need to improve his technical skills and so, instead, he focuses on choosing a memory to bring someone into rather than developing holistically as a pianist. 

This scene is what made me realize that PPPPPP is best when it’s centered on the Otogami family and their issues rather than deeper themes of musical composure, competition, or innate talent versus earned skills. 

When Lucky battles his siblings, the manga utilizes his power to create very strong emotional moments, often reflecting on how his father has hurt him, and thereby helping his siblings begin to break free of their father’s abuse. It is a far more interesting and cohesive part of the story than nearly any focus on the musical profession or education. 

The Six Otagamis of the Septuplets 

Source: Chapter 3, PPPPPP

In PPPPPP, Gakuon (their father) uses emotional and physical abuse on his children so they stay by his side. This is seen primarily in the isolation tactics used on Lucky, showing his siblings what happens when you don’t have talent, but certainly expands when looking at the other six.  

The lives of Lucky’s siblings revolve around winning to earn their father’s approval and to grab any chance of agency in their micromanaged lives. All of them are assigned their own personal manager who report directly to Gakuon, and are unable to even dream of quitting the piano.

Their father’s influence is revealed best in Reijiro’s flashback to the only time he lost, albeit purposefully, to someone. Gakuon punished Reijiro physically by slapping him and later tells his son, “You’ll never be normal. Your only friend is the piano” (Chapter 9, PPPPPP). It also served as reinforcement for the other children who wanted to avoid being treated the same way, each of whom watch and even shamed Reijiro further, thereby perpetuating the abuse:

Source: Chapter 9, PPPPPP

While Lucky has also been abused by his aunt, he was able to have a semblance of normalcy through his mother. Moreover, by leaving the aunt to go pursue music at his new school, he’s able to advance and gain freedoms beyond what his siblings have had under Gakuon. 

When Lucky plays in the competition against Reijiro and fulfills Reijiro’s wish to walk home with a friend, he thinks, “Reijiro’s wish is just normal for me. But that ordinary experience is what [Reijiro’s] been tearfully longing for” (Chapter 12, PPPPPP).

After Lucky finishes, Reijiro hugs him and requests that they go back home and Lucky play the piece for him everyday. However, Lucky gently reminds him that that would be escaping reality and he wants all of his siblings to get the opportunity to live in the real world. 

Source: Chapter 12, PPPPPP

It’s a powerful goal that’s made effective because it comes from a member of the family that has already been abused and abandoned. It’s not from some random stranger who wants to save some children--which would be fine but not as emotionally impactful. 

These abused siblings can understand each other on a deeper level in many ways, so I appreciate PPPPPP addressing the ways in which they react to each other and to their abuser. In this case, the abuser is their parent and mentor, and that makes for an even more complicated relationship because they’re two positions that society teaches you to not fight back against. It’s hard to read, but powerful. 

Source: Chapter 16, PPPPPP

Another interesting example of how trauma manifests itself is in Lucky’s sister, Mimin. She’s sent to Japan to win as many competitions as she can for their father, and is personally invested in this mission because she believes beating all the pianists who lose to her will allow her to play the piano style she wants. 

Her logic is that people who enter competitions and win become judges, judges who restrict the freedom that can be found in piano. She’s not interested in whether a piece is “good” but wants to "live freely” and feels she can only do so if there are no other pianists to be compared against (Chapter 16, PPPPPP).

Mimin hasn’t realized yet that she doesn’t live freely because of Gakuon and that he’s redirecting her frustration towards other pianists who could be her friends, and not her enemy. It shows how far Gakuon’s ideology has taken root within his kids and prevented them from living fulfilling lives.

The Art

Now onto the fun part: the art. PPPPPP is visually striking with its way of depicting music through “fantasies” that are sometimes whimsical and sometimes painfully realistic. These are a few examples of the more whimsical panels:

Source: Starting top-left, going clockwise: Chapter 1, Chapter 8, Chapter 16, Chapter 5, PPPPPP

While it could benefit from changing the art style in the same way Blue Period does by hiring different artists, I still enjoy PPPPPP’s present style. 

The more realistic panels are emotionally impactful as they reveal the deep desires of the people Lucky plays for, such as when his playing conjures up a sunset and a friend for his brother Reijiro:

Source: Chapter 12, PPPPPP

There’s another great scene where Lucky allows a classmate to briefly taste his dream of being good enough to receive a standing ovation through his music:

Source: Chapter 7, PPPPPP

The classmate himself doesn’t really matter, but everyone can relate to that desire to be seen and appreciated by others. As a musician, standing ovations are an acknowledgement that your music has resonated with the audience and it’s bittersweet to see someone want it so badly in comparison to the Otogamis, who receive them so much that they’ve become bored of it.

It’s little moments like this that keep me returning to this manga and I applaud the mangaka, MAPOLLO 3, for creating a music manga that visualizes the experience of playing and listening to music in a way I haven’t seen before. 

Conclusion

I really hope the manga treats each Otogami with dignity and consideration. So far, MAPOLLO 3’s done a decent, if simplistic, job with Reijiro and Mimin, so I’m curious to see if they can keep it up with the other kids. 

Unfortunately, other parts of the story thus far have remained tedious in comparison. It’s hard to care about Lucky fulfilling some random classmate’s dream or believe in his new friendship with Ako when those characters have no personality and little time with him.

PPPPPP’s message isn’t unique or excellently done, but the way it combines a mix of realistic and fantastical art with its (touch-and-go) emotionally resonant story keeps me coming back. On that same note, the music is not for an elite audience or elite pianists but is for everyone, including the mediocre.

In the end, the message appears to be that the true growth and healthy self-value as a pianist comes from loving piano and learning from other pianists instead of dominating them. 

[myhockeyworld87]

What Happens In Vegas...Doesn’t Always Stay There - Jacob Markstrom - Part 4

Word Count: 4,277

POV: Reader

Warning: Language, Smut, NSFW, Pregnancy stuff

Notes: Well here’s part 4. When last we saw these two, our reader told Jacob she was pregnant. Now they have some decisions to make. Let’s see what happens. As always feedback is welcome. Happy Reading!

What Happens In Vegas…Doesn’t Always Stay There Masterlist

Jacob finally ended up carrying you to bed, after the game. He hated that it might possibly wake you, but didn't think that sleeping on the couch would be good for you or the baby. He wanted you to get as much rest as possible while showing you that moving here and letting him help you was really the best option for all three of you. Thankfully, you were still in a sleep fog as he lifted you off the sofa, really only conscious enough to wrap your arms around his neck.

 The earthy scent of sandalwood and something else filled your nostrils. Something that you knew, subconsciously, was only Jacob. As he carried you up the stairs, this feeling of serenity and tranquility took over you. The past few days you had felt like you were stranded on a deserted island with no one to help and nowhere to go. Now, being here with Jacob, you just felt cared for, and dare you say it, loved. That last part you didn't want to think about, there were too many emotions as it was. Just because Jacob was feeling responsible for the baby, didn't mean that he loved you. The whole idea was ridiculous. You barely knew one another. A small part of you said that that didn't mean that love wasn't off the table, but you squashed that thought down, as Jacob laid you on the mattress.

 You blinked rapidly, clearing the haze that had crept over you in sleep, to see Jacob staring down at you. The look in his eyes was undeniable. That feeling was something you recognized and felt yourself. Lust. You remembered that look as you saw it several times in Vegas, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't have that same feeling yourself. You'd had it since the moment the plane landed in LA and every time after that when you spoke to him on the phone. Now, it burned low, all the way down in your core, as you felt yourself yearning for him once again.

 Jacob's eyes were glued on you, watching as you cleared the sleep from your eyes. Since the moment he'd laid eyes on you that day at the pool, he'd wanted you. It was only heightened now that you were in his home, lying on one of his beds. His brain told him it was wrong, but other parts of his body screamed that it was so right. When your hands didn't release their hold around his neck, he took that as a good sign and slowly brought his face closer to yours.

 There was a mere inch separating the two of you when you finally whispered out. "I want you, Jacob."

 "Are you sure?" He asked and you'd never been more sure of anything in your life. You knew this could get messy, but somehow at that moment, you didn't care. You had a little over seven months to figure it all out, surely that would be enough time. Right now, all you wanted to do was give in to the desires that burned deep within you.

 A simple nod was all he needed before his mouth was hot on yours, his tongue plunging deep inside you, filling you with a passion that was all-consuming. You met him every step of the way, as your mouth fused with his. Eager hands lifted the hem of your shirt until you were sitting up so that Jacob could toss the garment somewhere in the room. Yours did the same to him, divesting him of every stitch of clothing but his boxers. His mouth left yours only so that it could travel down your skin, kissing your neck, your collarbone, and your breasts. It was only when he reached your stomach, as he was peeling off your panties that he stopped; the air growing heavy as you could see a frown forming. "Is this, ok?" Jacob asked you the simple question yet spoke to your tummy and you knew he was asking about the baby without saying the actual words.

 You grabbed his chin between your thumb and index finger. "Hey, look at me." When he did you continued. "It's fine. The doctor said everything looks perfectly normal." That answer seemed to put him more at ease, yet his movements were still hesitant, as he finally slid your panties off. His fingers delved between your folds finding you wet and wanting, and making you pant with need. As good as what he was doing felt, you knew he needed reassurance. Pushing his boxer briefs down, you freed his cock; gliding your hand up and down his length before positioning him at your entrance.

 Jacob watched your face intently as he entered you, afraid that he might be causing pain. You knew all he'd see there was pleasure, as he filled your pussy. He held himself still, once he was buried deep within you. It was only when you moved your hips, did he finally let go and start thrusting into you. Wrapping your legs around him, you allowed him to go even deeper yet. Jacob groaned as you moaned out when he hit that spot inside you perfectly. Though you'd only been together a few times it was as if he knew all the tricks that turned your body on. Never in your life had you been with anyone who you'd felt so in sync with, until him. It didn't take long for your orgasm to hit, as your pussy quivered around his cock. Jacob followed you with a few shortened thrusts and a low guttural moan. His lips locked with yours as the last spasms of climax left you both.

 He pulled out of you, then rolled onto his back, gasping for air just as you were. "You, ok?" Concern laced his voice, and somehow you found the strength to roll onto your side so you could look at him.

 "I'm more than ok." He smiled at you, a dazzling one that even in the dim light of the night, lit up the room.

 "And blueberry?"

 It took you a minute to realize he was referring to the baby. "Is that what we're calling it now?"

 He shrugged into the mattress before allowing his hands to skate down your sides to your midsection. "Seems like a fitting name for now."

 "Ok, blueberry it is." It was a peculiar name, you'd give him that, but at least no one would really know what you were talking about until you decided to make the pregnancy more public. "Yes, blueberry is fine as well." He seemed more reassured, so you dropped your head down to rest on his chest. "You know we're going to have to talk about this thing between us more. It could get complicated if we keep ending up in bed."

 Jacob just hummed, before adding, "Tomorrow. Let's just sleep now." He was right. There would be plenty of time to discuss it in the daylight, with your clothes on. Until then, you let your eyes drift shut and sleep take you.

 There was something about being in Jacob's arms that made you feel safe and secure. That even though you didn't know what the future held, for it was not the one that you had planned, everything would be fine, because he was by your side. When you woke early the next morning before the sun was even out, you laid perfectly still, a bit nauseous having gone without food for longer than the baby wanted, or so you assumed. You tried to move without waking Jacob, for he looked so peaceful in sleep, but when a wave of nausea hit, you took off running for the ensuite.

 Jacob was out of bed before he even knew what was happening. He felt you fly out of his arms, only to see you take off for the bathroom. By the time he walked in, your head was halfway in the toilet dry heaving. He felt like a helpless asshole, standing there not knowing what to do. He thought back to the times when he was sick as a child and how his mother would take care of him. So, he found himself kneeling beside you, pulling back your hair while he idly stroked your back. Your body heaved a few more times before you finally stopped, yet still, he continued to rub his large hand up and down your bare skin. "What can I do?"

 "Crackers," you were able to mutter back, and he was gone in a flash, as you stayed on the bathroom floor recovering. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror; naked, shivering, with your hair a mess. It was quite a sight and you were pretty sure that Jacob would want nothing to do with you after this. How was it that the one man you could finally see yourself being with, was seeing you at your utter worst?

 When Jacob walked back into the bathroom, his gut twisted in pain. You looked so small and frail, and all he could think of was that his carelessness had done this to you. He wanted nothing more than to collect you in his arms and protect you, even though he knew that this was something he couldn't shelter you from; it was just a part of life. Still, his heart did that funny little lurch, the one that told him that what he was feeling was way more than even he wanted to admit for you. "Here ya go. I'll stop at the store today, so we can have them in every room for you." It was a small gesture, but he would do anything to prove to you that he was in this for the long haul.

 "Thank you." The mumble coming out garbled as you bit down on a saltine. You thought for sure you'd completely turned him off when he left the room, but seconds later he was back with the duvet from the bed sitting down and wrapping you both up in it. The sight the two of you made could only be described as comical, as Jacob grabbed a cracker to munch on with you. You burst out laughing, and he joined you.

 "Feeling better?"

 "A little."

 "So, is this an every morning occurrence? Not that it matters," he said right away. "I'm just trying to be prepared."

 You shrugged a shoulder at him. "It's happened a few times, but I've noticed if I eat these," you held up the cracker in reference. "It helps immensely."

 He nodded, making a mental note to have them in all the nightstands and end tables for you. "So…about last night…" You knew this was coming but weren't sure you were ready for it this soon. Sure, he had mentioned that he wanted you to move in but after your bout with morning sickness, you knew it was more for the baby's sake than anything between the two of you. Seeing you like this couldn't have been a turn-on. You steeled yourself for what was to come next. "I really want to try and make this work, and not just the parenting thing." You weren't quite sure you were following him. He must have seen the confusion on your face. "Sure, I want to be there for blueberry." You smirked at the use of the baby's nickname. "And I always will be. It's just...you and me. I want to give us a shot as well. I know we don't know each other well, but we can work on that these next several months." His hand absentmindedly went to the back of his neck, and you kind of thought that was a telling sign for him when he was trying to come up with the right words. "I want us to be a couple. Maybe that's naïve to think that, especially since I know it's not what you wanted for your life right now, but I'd like to give it a try."

 A tear slid down your cheek at his words, and you could see him already starting to build up a wall at thoughts of your rejections. "I'd like that too." You told him quickly before the stone building could be erected. "There's something between us Jacob, and if I'm being honest, it's more than just this little blueberry inside me." He was smiling again and you couldn't help but return it. That was the thing about Jacob, he seemed to always be in a great mood and it was infectious. "We certainly have chemistry."

 "Yes, we do."

 Even though you were both on the bathroom floor, naked, eating saltines, there was a smolder in his eyes that told you he wanted you even then. It definitely did things to you. You shook yourself to clear where your mind was headed. "But I think there's even more. Those weeks after Vegas, when we just talked on the phone. Some nights I just didn't want them to end."

 "Me either," he admitted. "So, then we're giving this a try?"

 "Yeah, I think we are."

 There was still this little part of him that was unsure of something, you could see it there; so you raised a brow in query. "Does that mean when you come to the game tonight, I can introduce you as my girlfriend?"

 Ah, so that was the problem. "Yes, I'd like that."

 Jacob smiled; he definitely liked the idea of telling people the two of you were dating. Not only was it something he wanted the last couple of weeks, but it would make it much easier when you finally decided to tell people about the baby and being married. There was that nagging feeling in the back of his mind again. He should probably tell you right now that he hadn't yet signed the divorce papers, but somehow, he couldn't. It could wait he told himself. If things worked out between the two of you, and he was hoping they would, he'd eventually propose and then you could renew your vows and laugh about the whole incident. That was his plan and he was going to stick with it.

 "I really want to kiss you right now," Jacob told you, but you could see the hesitance on his face and you didn't blame him one bit.

 "Maybe after I've brushed my teeth."

 "Deal," he chuckled. "Feeling better?"

 "Much."

 "Good, because my ass is cold on his damn tile." He wasn't wrong, yours was as well. He got up in one fluid motion then, helped you stand as well, wrapping the comforter around himself and then him around you. It was quite cozy, if not a bit awkward, as the two of you both brushed your teeth. He kissed you soundly, before the two of you headed back to bed, only this time with sleep on your mind.

 A couple hours later, Jacob was up getting ready for practice as you cooked you both breakfast. He headed off to morning skate, saying he'd see you in a few hours, which allowed you some time for work. You made a quick trip to the set of the movie you were working on the ad campaign for, talking with producers about the things your firm had in mind while snapping a few shots of filming. By the time you got back to Jacob's place, he was already home.

 He informed you that he talked to his teammate Erik Gudbranson and that his fiancé Sarah would pick you up and take you to the game. He'd given Erik your number so Sarah could call you. Which of course she did, asking if you wanted to grab dinner before the game. Since you had no plans and hated eating out alone, you said yes.

 Sarah was an absolute doll. She treated you as if you'd known you her entire life. Through your conversations with her, you learned that she was a dentist, and it was refreshing to know that if you decided to move here you could still pursue your career while supporting Jacob. Sarah gave you all the ins and outs of the hockey world. Telling you how the guys napped every day, which at first you found ridiculous but once she explained about how much energy they were exerting you understood. While also informing you about trades and how one minute you can be playing somewhere and the next day you're up and moving. That was something you didn't want to explore, yet at the same time needed to consider when thinking about the baby. If Jacob got traded at some point, you could be moving to DC or Florida, and even if you weren't together you'd need to figure out how he could see his child. It was a bit overwhelming but at the same time, she made you feel like part of the hockey world.

 When you finally got to Rogers Arena, you were feeling more inundated with hockey life. Sarah introduced you to all the wives and girlfriends, some more welcoming than others. You got along particularly well with Bo Horvat's fiancé, Holly, and Chris Tanev's girlfriend, Kendra. They made you feel at home and not an outsider at all. As Holly explained, now that you were with Jacob, you were family. You felt partially bad, considering they didn't know the full extent as to why you and Jacob were together, but there would be time to tell them everything at some point.

 The game was a nail-biter and you could see the intensity Jacob had as he stopped each shot. You'd been to a couple of hockey games before, but hadn't paid a great deal of attention, now you couldn't tear your eyes off the ice or at least the home team's goalie. When Jacob let one slip in during the third period, you could see the frustration on his face. It was almost as if he was itching for a fight with the other team, which somehow you found extremely attractive. Thankfully, he was the better goaltender in the end not allowing the puck behind him as the game went into overtime. The Canucks got the W and you found yourself cheering along with the rest of the girls as the team celebrated on the ice.

 Sarah had mentioned at dinner, that after the game you could meet up with Jacob downstairs in the locker room, so you followed her along with the others into the recesses of the arena. It took a bit, but soon the guys were coming out one by one.

 "He'll be out in a minute (Y/N). I'm Erik by the way, the better half of this one."

 "I reserve the right to make that call and so far, you have a lot to live up to." You playfully told Sarah's fiancé, which garnered you more favor amongst Jacob's team members. "I'm (Y/N)," you added holding out your hand for him to shake. "Though you already knew that."

 "I did. Jacob talks about you…a lot."

 "What do I do?" Jacob sauntered out of the dressing room heading straight for the three of you.

 "Oh, I was telling her all your bad habits, like how you fart…."

 "ERIK!" Sarah chided, swatting at his chest. "We want (Y/N) to stick around, not scare her away. She hasn't decided if she's moving here or not."

 The smile on Jacob's face from the win earlier, fell. He hated the thought of you not staying in Vancouver with him and not just because you were having his baby. He pushed the thought from his mind, as he wrapped an arm around your waist, hauling you close so he could drop a kiss to your forehead. "You could help a guy out you know." He finally told Erik.

 "Yeah, yeah. I'm sure (Y/N) knows what she's getting into."

 "Come on, we're leaving before you get Jacob into more trouble." Sarah came over to you then, pulling you from Jacob and giving you a hug. "When you're in town again, which I hope is soon, we'll have you over for dinner. I promise to make Erik be on his best behavior. Oh, and if you need someone to vote on you moving here or just talk about things, you have my number." She gave you a little wink then the two headed out of the building.

 When it was just you and Jacob, he finally asked you what he was dying to know since the moment he stepped off the ice. "Did you enjoy the game?"

 "It was great." Then you added because you knew he was fishing for it without actually asking himself. "You were amazing. You must have blocked a couple hundred shots. I don't know how you do it."

 "Not nearly that many," he chuckled, his arms encircling your waist.

 You let yours loop around his neck. "It seemed like that many." He just shook his head lightly. "Well, I still think you deserve a reward." You went up on your toes so you could kiss him.

 Just as it was turning heated, a voice had you breaking apart. "Get a room, Marky!"

 "Shut up DZ." You recognized him, from Vegas as the guy Jade was into, Michael Del Zotto. You were pretty sure Jade still had an interest in him, but she never admitted if the two of them had hooked up or not.

 "Good to see you again, (Y/N). Hope you'll be a more permanent fixture around here."

 "We'll see," you answered non-committally.

 "Let's head home," Jacob told you, taking your hand as you made your way out of the arena. "Maybe I can think of a way to convince you to stay."

 He definitely made a good argument once you were finally home, but sex with Jacob wasn't really an issue. The chemistry between the two of you was something you weren't worried about. It was all the stuff that happened out of the sheets, that you were worried about.

 While Jacob practiced in the morning, you worked again, so that when he got back you could head off to the OB/GYN. It was a bit awkward going to a doctor that you weren't familiar with, but then going to the gynecologist was never a fun experience. You supposed you were going to have to get used to it with how many appointments you'd have in the near future. The nurse showed you into the room and had you strip from the waist down. "Do you want me to wait outside?" Jacob offered.

 "Why? It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

 His eyebrows picked up and you could see where his mind was going, but then he looked around and suddenly that look was gone. It made you laugh. It wasn't long before the doctor was coming in, thankfully a woman, which made it a bit more comfortable. "So, mom and dad are we ready for this?" You both nodded and she took the probe out, slipping a condom on it before inserting it inside you. You saw Jacob's eyes get round as saucer. You should've warned him that this would be a transvaginal ultrasound and not like the ones they show on tv. You grabbed his hand reassuringly to let him know you were fine. It took a second, but then a picture popped up on the screen. It literally looked like a blob. "Ah, there we go. See right there," she pointed out and you glued your eyes to where she pointed. "That's the baby."

 A few more seconds and you could hear this swooshing noise. "And that's its little heartbeat." For some reason you felt tears in your eyes, for it was the most amazing sound you'd ever heard. "It's nice and strong. That's what we like to hear." She did a few measurements checking things out here and there. All the while, you couldn't tear your eyes from the screen. It was only when you felt wetness on your hand that you turned to see Jacob crying as well.

 You looked up at him and just smiled. "I didn't think I would be this emotional over Blueberry." It was Jacob's admission but you felt the same way, and you had to swallow hard past all the emotions. You didn't want a baby, at least not at this moment in your life, but right now you wouldn't change a thing. You were in love with the tiny little blueberry on the screen and you felt like you could fall in love with its father as well.

 "Blueberry huh?" The doctor said breaking the moment. "Well, I'll print off some pictures of blueberry here for you, but everything looks great. I saw where you're already taking the prenatal vitamins and everything. You'll need to schedule another appointment either here or in LA at the twelve-week mark so the baby can be checked again. If you're doing it in LA you'll want to call and get orders for blood work and urine tests. If you decide to stay here, I'll go write them up now. Just let me know when you come out."

 She got up to leave then, but you stopped her. "Doctor," you gave Jacob's hand a squeeze. "Could you get them ready for me for when we leave and set me up with another appointment here?" She nodded then left the room.

 Jacob stood there dumbstruck. "Does this mean?"

 "Yeah, yeah it does." You sat up from the table to better look at him. "Looks like you've got yourself a roommate, Mr. Markstrom."  

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[theladyelara]

Could a tv show save the sequel trilogy?

After watching Clone Wars and Rebels and Clone Wars again and getting my heart absolutely wrecked every time, it brought me to two conclusions. One, Dave Filoni is a god and must be protected at all costs, and two, animated shows and tv shows in general have immense power 

So there’s a fair share of prequel hate out there, a camp which I sort of understand but definitely don’t belong to, but it’s pretty much universally accepted that the clone wars is golden. For a lot of people it made the prequel trilogy so much more meaningful and impactful than it was before. Rebels only continued this trend, continuing to give depth to the world of star wars, tying in some of the EU and continuing stories of tcw characters while also simply telling a really good story of a new cast. 

Which led me to the question I posed at the beginning. Could a tv show save the sequels? We’ve seen tcw ‘save’ the prequels, could a new show do the same for Disney? 

Disclaimer, I have not watched Resistance, and I have watched Mandalorian. 

In order to break down the question we’ll have to outline some things. First: Why did tcw ‘save’ the prequels. I think it comes down to these things. They... -- expanded upon and added depth to existing characters -- expanded the world building, and lore -- successfully introduced compelling new characters  -- continued the thematic elements of the prequels and sw as a whole  -- had really good storytelling overall  -- none of these above things contradicted or disconnected from the existing world of the movies

Now, is there a show that could do that for the sequels? Explore the characters more, delve deeper into the world, and tell a compelling and cohesive story? (listen I really am asking, lmk your opinion!) 

I am going, also, to posit some of the base ideas I have as well.

First: The year is before the Force Awakens, and after Ben genocides Luke’s temple. The show will center around one Jacen Syndulla and friends. Jacen is now a young Jedi who survived the temple razing, as he had been studying under Luke beforehand. Jacen is a quick tie in to the rest of the tv shows, being the child of Hera and Kanan from Rebels. He would travel the galaxy, perhaps trying to reach out to Ben, perhaps trying to stay the heck away from him. At some point he’ll find out about Something On Jakku and we’ll see him try to get there, always thwarted at exactly the wrong moment. Rey never meets him and it’s a tragedy. I could see him working with the resistance, and we could see other facets of the ST characters through him that way. The most potential I see with this idea is exploring Ben through a character like Jacen who grew up alongside him, and we could see more of exactly how Ben fell to the dark side, Snoke’s(and ig palpatine’s) influence and Luke’s teaching. It could also be used to salvage Luke as a character and give him better motivation for whatever happened in TLJ.  Of course, if you haven’t noted it already, we come to the stumbling block with this plot thread that FA made possible. It’d be almost exactly like Rebels. And I choose to blame this entirely on the New Hope Awakens episode 4 7 and not on my elevator pitch! 

Second: The other idea I had would be half about the sequel trilogy? It’d be more of a direct sequel to episode 6, basically following the OTs as they set up a new Jedi and a new Republic. But this may be bias talking, as that’s what I’d have wanted to see, and I also don’t know how well it’d work into the ST we actually got. The potential with this story thread again is Luke and Ben and Snoke, figuring out how Palpatine, one, survived, and two, has been pulling strings this whole time. The worldbuilding potential here is also huge, chances to explain what the first order is and why it exists.  However, I don’t know how well this would make for a tv show, and does little to help the characters of the ST, as it’d largely be set slightly before their time. 

Third: Somewhere between TLJ and ROS. This is the only time skip present between the mainline movies. It’s not like tcw, where the showrunners had something deliberate and fleshed out to talk about in their show. So they don’t have much low-hanging fruit to pick up for plot, and I think the time skip is pretty short. Still, this gives the most potential for the ST characters, and expounding upon them. We could see the trio actually work together, discover their relationships together as they go on missions. Rey is trying to learn how to be a Jedi, and is getting increasingly frustrated because she can’t get it. There could be darker hints as to her heritage. Also some proper bloody foreshadowing to the rise of palpatine and the Sith in the next movie. We should see her struggle and grow, go back to Jakku and deal with that, keep confronting Ben and Luke and Leia in more interesting ways. In my head the structure is pretty much like tcw or rebels, but maybe that’s just how I expect star wars shows to be structured at this point. A series of missions, exploring themes over arcs of a few episodes. And again we come to lovely originality problems, because this would be basically TCW with OT flavor and ST characters. But if it works it works, and I think this is really the best option to ‘save’ the ST. We need to get invested into these characters, and their best bet (as far as a tv show goes), is to do for Rey what TCW did for Anakin. 

[punemy-spotted]

The Cut

Pairing: Helmut Zemo x Muslim-Coded Reader

Warnings: Explicit Content; Smut; Oral Sex (F-receiving); Discussion of FGM/Clitorectomy; Allusions to Child Abuse; Allusions to Scars; Angst; Mention Cutting;

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: You cannot carry all your pain on your own.

Author’s Notes: When I was five years old, I was subjected to a clitorectomy, a procedure that was a violation of my human rights and bodily autonomy. It has fundamentally changed the way I view my sexuality and challenged my ability to see myself as a person worthy of sexual pleasure and love. This procedure was done very deliberately to make me a person who did not have sexual autonomy and did not derive pleasure from sex. And for a long time, it worked.

When Dibs at @gotnofucks #dibspositivitychallenge came out, it really only felt right to do a piece that represented this story, because if I don’t give voice to this pain, then there’s a good chance no one else will either. Which is why I’m submitting it as part of the challenge — and it was a challenge! I’ve alluded to FGM in other, now mostly-abandoned pieces, but never anything where it is acknowledged and soothed, and for the most part, endured it alone.

And before this note becomes almost as long as the piece, thank you, @gotnofucks, for the opportunity to be okay with the things we are not.

The first time he touches you, it is a shock.

No, not like that.

Helmut Zemo invades your life like a virus, consumes your loneliness in greedy kisses, winds his arms around you like he might just swallow your pleasure whole, might make you a part of him to carry away forever. Bare yourself to him and he might sink his fangs into you, drain you of all your fears and leave only obsession in its wake, might turn you into the same cold lover as him, might just make you fall in love.

The first time he touches you, it is a shock.

You are soft and delicate and precious under his lingering gaze, under appraising fingers, under appreciative hums. He bids you Lay still, sweetling, bids you Let me look at you, bids you You are a masterpiece made flesh, and you believe him, and you forget.

You forget, as he claims your soft mouth with his own, willing and wanting. You forget, as his tongue explores the pleasurable symphony of your surrender. You forget, you forget everything. There is only the hunger of his lust, the wanting he leaves on your skin, marking you with nips of teeth and suckling kisses, makes a game of your yelps and whimpers, chuckles against your tender form, So needy for me, sweetling.

And you are.

Helmut, you plead, running fingers through his hair as he simpers with lips wrapped around the pebbled skin of your breast, watching him wide-eyed and enamored, a halo of dark locks around your face and you are made of adoration and to be adored.

Darling, he purrs, fingers sliding along your sides, Do you trust me?

And oh.

Oh, you do.

Let him kiss along the planes of your body, let him love the soft lines of you in the early morning light and bid you spread your legs for him Yes just like that, darling, good girl…

Helmut Zemo hums against your skin, takes in the sight of you full of want and wanting, your hands tangled in silk sheets and lips curved around the praise of your love and he is lost to you just the same.

The first time he touches you, it is a shock.

The softness of your sex is an intoxicant and the kisses he places to the plush apex of you is a whisper of a promise, seeking the sweetness of you on his senses and if he notices the scars where the missing parts of you are then he does not speak and if he notices the way your breath hitches and you tense then he does not speak. He only presses the flat of his tongue against that which you have, taking a decadent lap of your sweetness while you whine and if there are tears in your eyes, sweetling, let him pause to wipe them away, let him watch you in adoring silence to see if you will utter to him the words which will put a stop to this worship and bring about another kind. You are exalted and let him raise you to the heavens just like this, Just like this, sweetling.

He does not devour you, he is no beast, but he does drink of your pleasure, letting his tongue delve into your softness. Gentle hands holding you in place, encouraging you to surrender, writhe and move and let him nuzzle deeper, let him moan, soft and hungry against the feast he adores so much and when you surrender, sweetness, he is overcome.

The first time he touches you, he asks nothing.

The first time he touches you, he sees everything.

Does it hurt?

The next time he touches you, he is curled around you in bed, fingers languid and lazy against the plushness of your sex, finding the space where nerves are made scars and watching you turn, watching your eyes grow desperate and realize he saw and he touched and he loved you anyway and you say nothing at first, not until he asks again, Does it hurt you, sweetling?

Sometimes.

But today?

No.

Will you tell me?

Someday.

And he asks nothing further, only whether you are warm and comfortable here in this home he had made out of your bed and when you nod he is calmed and when you nod he is taking another hungry kiss from your plush mouth and when you nod he is patient.

He is always patient, and careful, and skilled, and waiting.

One day it does hurt, and for once, you do not hurt alone.

One day it does hurt and you tell him.

He holds you while you cry, just as he is, kissing your fingers and promising divinity in your adoration and you tell him of the girl you once were and you speak of the knives and the crimes and he listens.

He listens and in his heart, he simmers with the pain and rage you have absorbed for all your years, the iceberg shelves of his heart cracking under the weight of your hurt and your confession and he asks no questions but sweetling, you tell him every word, pressed against his chest and tears in your eyes, Let yourself cry, darling, and Helmut Zemo might be a murderer and an extremist and a villain but in this moment he is yours and there are no greater villains than the ones who drove you to this, who charged a child with crimes she did not know the names of, demanding reparation from her in her blood and flesh.

So you tell him. You tell him of the dusty hospital and the sneering faces. You tell him how your mother could not bring herself to come with you and so you stood, too young to remember your native tongue with no interpreter to make your grandmothers understand that you were afraid.

You tell him of a bird with her wings clipped before she even knew she could have flown, you tell him how you thought you would never, you tell him how it used to hurt and sweetness… you tell him how you thought he would leave you if he saw.

It’s not their fault, you tell him too, and he does not believe you but it is not his place to tell you what to feel and so instead he runs fingers through your hair and holds you to his chest and kisses your temple.

It’s not their fault, you insist, They trusted the wrong people, they were misled, they—

They are not yours to defend, sweetling, he tells you in his softest voice, breaking you from your guilt, They are not yours to justify.

And so you do not give it.

You give nothing, only your tears to a man who demands nothing, only bids you seek refuge in what safety he can give but sweetness he knows the meaning of revenge and the power of loathing and you have carried your burden for so long and justice has failed you so often — Let me carry this pain with you, my darling — and oh sweetness, you will.

You will, and he will carry you through the days you try to give a name to your anguish.

You will, and he will find the means to demand the justice you were denied because you deserve your justice, because you cannot be allowed to hurt while they go home and pretend they are correct to do this to you and your sisters in faith.

You will.

The first time he touches you, it is a shock.

No, not like that.

Not when he shows you how wrong they were.